Are You Not Teased?

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Kpop because the teasers have won. Even with all of major releases this week, we're seeing a major uptick of teasers, what's upcoming, so close and so far, in our Twitter feed. Which made us think. What's the deal with teasers? And what makes a teaser a quality tease (or a poor tease even)? Let's take a look at a few that have caught our eyes and ears, friends.

Hyosung's "Into You" Sexy Feminine Body Dream Sequence Teaser

This is what we like to call a visual smorgasbord. Hyosung is coming back with another solo release and we're super excited. We're actually fans of her "Goodnight Kiss" solo debut, though the song itself was a bit breathy. Here, we're not getting any of the song, and maybe TS Entertainment is banking on the fact that you're not going to be viewing Hyosung's next music video because of her vocal prowess. Hyosung is the model of imagined femininity here, posing, winking, painting her toenails, and washing a car for your satisfaction. We know because she keeps smiling at us, asking, "Do you like this? How about this? I'm so happy to see you." Since no one else is in the video, the teaser itself is a rather sly attempt at creating intimacy between you, the lovelorn viewer, and Hyosung, who seems to be taken straight from your latest dream sequence. We're even given a beginning and ending grimy videotape motif, presenting this as a private viewing experience, something, dare we say, "Secret."

Hyunseung's "It's Me" Super Short Maybe Amazing Song Audio Teaser

And now we come to the audio teaser, which is a strange animal. Here we get twenty seconds of Hyunseung's "It's Me," which includes, we believe, the hook of the chorus. We get some EDM that may just be your next ringtone. This could be an amazing song. The song of the summer even. But it's just twenty seconds so who knows? Hyunseung could just be shrieking the rest of the song for all we know. Apparently this isn't the promotional single, so in many ways this is a tease for the song but also the single (because who cares about the rest of the album, right?). Teasing the audio tracks is not new and we'll probably get more of these teases before the release of the single - many times whole albums are teased, one short clip of a song leading to another. But twenty seconds? Give us some meat, Hyunseung. We're already hyped on your release, now we want something to chew on already!

Elsie (That's Eunjung!)'s Not So Good "I'm Good" Teasers Confusing but Legs tho 

Sometimes a teaser can give just enough away to make you nervous. We're big fans of T-ara here at Critical Kpop, and Eunjung (or is it Elsie now?) is one of our faves. When word came out that she was getting her own solo debut, we couldn't have been more jazzed. But this first teaser. It's getting us nervous. No, you should not judge a concept by the teaser, friends (we know this). But a teaser is supposed to get you excited. Wet your anticipation (not just just your body, Eunjung/Elsie!). Through this teaser, the song seems like a ballad, and though ballads, in the right hands, with the right vocal chords, can be great, Eunjung isn't exactly known for her voice. This melodramatic shower scene, while showing off Eunjung's gorgeous body (those legs, right?), doesn't really excite us for a killer release. In fact, it has all the hallmarks of getting lost in the crowd. We're hope we're wrong. But as far as teasers go, this is a dud. And the second teaser that just came out?

This confuses things further! Why are they making Elsie seem like an entirely different artist? Is that girl supposed to be a younger Eunjung? Are we being trolled? Is this even a teaser or is this the actual release? Excite us MBK, don't confuse us!

Sixteen's Sixteen Awkward Teasers

As you must know, Sixteen is the upcoming reality/survivor show that will cull down the members until the next big girl group is made before your very eyes. We have some major reservations for this show and nothing from these awkward teasers has quelled our concerns, mainly that the show is going to be a pressure cooker that is going to be needlessly cruel to these young girls who are already feeling the pressure of making it into the Kpop world. And when we say young, we mean YOUNG. One of these girls looks like she's 12 (and may will be 12). There's something alarming too on how cheesy these teasers are - we get some dancing, sometimes some singing, and then a little interview from each hopeful, usually with them giving their role in proposed group (I'm the cute one! I'm the sexy one! I'm the young one! Support me!) before laughing on cue, showing their humble embarrassment. It all seems very produced and wholesome for a show that will push these girls to the limit under many watchful, judging eyes. We pray for these girls and so should you.

Big Bang's "Made" Tour Trailer Yes It's Actually Made Yes They're Actually Back What!

To be fair, this is a trailer, not a teaser. But are you not teased? Only Big Bang can make a teaser for their tour that doesn't feature their own music, and still get over 2 million views. It seems as though they're more concerned with giving an ode to American grindhouse exploitation films, à la Quentin Tarantino. Which, eight years after Grindhouse, still feels really cool. We feel like Big Bang has teased us for ages. Maybe that's all they have left?

But wait - what's that? Big Bang has released their new music video for "Loser?" It's finally happening? How wonderful, and somehow odd, to finally receive what has been teased. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Kpop.