From Fame to Infamy: The Harmful Naivety of Bias

Chances are, if you’ve been listening to K-Pop for any time at all, you’ve found yourself a group you like more than others. You’ve maybe even found a member you like more than anyone else. For those not familiar, this practice is generally known as having a ‘bias’, and trying to avoid it has proven very difficult for most K-Pop fans over the years.

This is hardly anything unusual, and it’s certainly not limited to K-Pop; everybody has that one celebrity whose career they look out for a bit more than others, who they’re happy to see succeed. Even that person who says they’re ‘not really into celebrity culture’ has that one person, and I would bet real, actual, I-earned-this-from-my-legitimate-job money on this. I would then also go on to bet that that one famous person you like more than others (in this case, your favourite idol singer) is someone you don’t generally like to have to read criticisms of, and someone you feel the need to defend. This also isn’t unusual; you don’t need to look any further than an idol’s Instagram comments to see people defending their bias from something. The same qualities which people tend to admire in an idol are also qualities which they typically wish to emulate. So it makes sense that people often begin to project themselves into their idols as they become more and more emotionally invested in them.

The problem with defending your favourite idol and becoming emotionally invested in them arises when this becomes unhealthy. Getting overly attached to someone you’ve never met and don’t know beyond the idea of them you’ve created for yourself is one thing, but refusing to admit that someone you admire has done something harmful is something else entirely. The lack of willingness to address this has been a problem in K-Pop, and many other fandoms, for years. Wanting to think the best of people isn’t a bad thing at all - but blindly trying to absolve someone of their faults and indiscretions is wrong in several different ways. One thing that people make the mistake of doing is pretending that their idol saying offensive things is fine so long as they do not personally find this offensive, and this is both insulting and short-sighted - we’ll call this harmful naivety.

This past year, K-Pop has been rife with scandals. We had cases of members leaving popular groups and consequently being sued (Hey SM, how are those stock prices going? Good? I heard good.), members getting kicked out of very popular groups, and members choosing not to renew their contracts. These aren’t really problematic, but some fan reactions very much were. Some things idols did were very dangerous and extremely harmful to others; most recently, Choi Siwon of Super Junior retweeted a series of messages on his Twitter which questioned the validity and morality of same-sex marriage. 2014 also saw rapper and producer Woo Jiho AKA Zico of Block B proudly wearing a Confederate Flag printed armband in his MV for ‘Tough Cookie’, as well as spouting homophobic sentiments in the lyrics. Most recently, there was an example of none other than JYP selling school uniforms to young kids…featuring provocative pictures of his most recent girl group and JYP in sunglasses in the background. Bear in mind, the members of JYP’s newest girl group TWICE are all under twenty years old, with their youngest member being age 16 – so it was more than a little bit inappropriate.

Adding to all of these, there are countless examples of people ignoring their favourite idols saying racist things, doing racist imitations, saying sexist things, and so on. Unfortunately, this is nothing new for fans of K-Pop, but the sheer frequency of this happening over the past year has made it clearer than ever that many fans have an issue with admitting not only to themselves, but to others, that their favourites have messed up. Instead, fans often feel the need to defend their idols – even in cases where an idol has done something truly horrible.

There is no better current example of this than that of Kim Hyun Joong. Last year, it came to light that a woman claiming to be Kim Hyun Joong’s girlfriend had accused him of physically assaulting her. The details are fairly murky, and there are many different accounts, but Kim Hyun Joong (hereafter KHJ) did admit to assaulting her on one occasion even if he has not fully addressed them all. In the case he admitted to, the woman sustained a broken rib. KHJ maintains that both parties were physically assaulted, but how true this is remains to be seen. Many of the charges have since been dropped, but the fact remains that KHJ hurt someone else, and fans like to defend him to the point of maintaining that he did nothing at all - even when case proceedings say otherwise. I’ve seen fans argue that this woman is jealous, or that if she’d been a better girlfriend he wouldn’t have done this to her. Both of these things are completely unacceptable. This is without a doubt a case of harmful naivety leading to the blind defending of a bias. It should be made clear, to anybody who missed it, that what KHJ has done was awful, and he has shown absolutely no signs of regret at his actions. Rather, with his army of fans steadfastly behind him, KHJ continues to live his life seemingly the same way as he always has – except now, of course, he’s currently serving his two-year military time (hardly the same as a prison sentence).

This case is not the only thing that happened, of course. Idols frequently say and do hurtful things - some examples include Wendy of Red Velvet and her racist imitations, numerous people (including veteran singer K.Will) making fun of Hyorin of SISTAR’s skin colour, and EXO member Park Chanyeol continuing to make ‘jokes’ about the dark skin of fellow member Kim ‘Kai’ Jongin. None of these things are okay, but fans still try to claim that these things are not offensive even in the face of other people giving them details as to why they are, and why they have been used against them personally.

One of the most important things about being a fan of anything, in particularly something that is as popular as K-Pop (and it’s many, many idols), is being critical of it. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you talk smack about it all the time, or make fun of it (although I like to do this in a loving manner because I’m trash), but it does mean that every now and then you take a step back. You take some time to think critically about how and why you are blindly defending people, and from whom. If you’re spending most of your time doing this, chances are that what you’re doing is upsetting people – and this is likely to be true even if you can’t see it. Admitting your bias has done something wrong doesn’t make you a bad fan; it makes it clear to the people they upset that you do not agree with what your bias is doing or saying. Often, fans who blindly defend an idol’s problematic behaviour do it because, in some way, they agree with it. Another argument I’ve seen is that idols say these things because it is okay to do in their culture, but this is both incredibly racist and infantilising.

There’s no harm in loving something a lot, and no shame in having a favourite in a group you really love. If these things make you happy, then by all means! They make me happy, and that’s why I feel so strongly about it. What I am saying is that it is not okay to act like your bias is the perfect, innocent snowflake you like to pretend they are; I can guarantee you they aren’t. Moreover, putting them on this pedestal just means that, when they end up doing something awful, they have further to fall - and the more upset you will be as a fan.

K-Pop markets itself as being fun and easy, and this is what it should be; if you don’t find this happening, maybe it’s time for a break. If what you love isn’t making you happy, and the way you interact with it is making other people unhappy, then it’s time for self-reflection.

The hope is that, when your bias or any other idol does something problematic and wrong, that they learn from it and genuinely want to not do it again. Everybody makes mistakes, but some are bigger than others - in some cases, people can learn but they might not deserve to be back in the beloved position they held before. This is because this position was something they abused in the first place in order to be able to carry out their actions. But still, it would be better if they learned from the experience and genuinely apologised. However, when you defend them blindly, nothing is learned aside from that they can continue to do problematic things because people will always come to defend them. This will do nothing but make K-Pop exclusive, and drive out fans who don’t feel welcome to voice their grievances. With K-Pop being so popular and so overwhelmingly fun, this would be a shame. So, to continue to make it as open for everyone as possible, call your idols out - and don’t let them get away with things just because you think you know them.

But remember to have fun, too.

Helen Edworthy is an English Sociology undergraduate who got lost in the world of K-Pop five years ago. She tweets at @captain_helen and her biases are UKISS and NS YoonG.

From Slay to Shred: Anticipating the Wonder Girls Idol Band

Ever since JYP let it slip that Wonder Girls would be returning as a band (a real live band with instruments and everything!), we’ve been anticipating their comeback. On August 3rd, 12pm KST, Wonder Girls will return with Hyelim on guitar, Sunmi on bass, Yeeun on keyboard, and Yubin on drums (Sunye and Sohee have withdrawn from the group). That’s right, after two years on hiatus, Wonder Girls will return as a band! Which is crazy. It’s exciting, astounding, perplexing. It’s worrying! I’ve been racing through the whole gamut of emotions, and I just can’t seem to settle on one. Because while there have been so many ups and downs in Kpop over the last few months, Wonder Girls’ return is, for me, the most surprising thing that has happened all summer. And it’s going to completely change everything for one of the most well-known Kpop groups out there!

Paradigm Shift

Forming an idol band is a big deal, and there’s honestly no successful model out there for female idol groups (indie groups are not the same). AOA would probably be the closest thing with their early releases of “Elvis” and “Get Out,” and AOA Black’s “Moya.” But since then AOA’s band concept has been unceremoniously dumped in favor of an instrument-free, booty-focused approach. (FNC Entertainment has locked up the erstwhile drummer, Yookyoung, and thrown away the key, presumably to ensure she is unable to lead a revolution with her flaming drumsticks.) As much as some fans will persist that they want a return to the band concept, AOA is not a good role model.

There are healthier models in male groups CNBLUE and F.T. Island, but there’s an enormous difference: both CNBLUE and F.T. Island debuted as bands. Not as idols, but rock bands. Yes, these men have successfully navigated the thin line between idol and rock band, but they started with a guitar strapped to their chest and one foot on the kick drum and the overwhelming cultural acceptance of men in rock bands. Gender is important here! Their narrative, from start to present, has been as men that play instruments. Wonder Girls, until this point, have also had a consistent narrative: as female idols.

Now, that doesn’t mean they can’t change. Look at AOA, who changed from a band to an idol group at the flip of a switch. But here’s where gender is going to rear its ugly head. AOA’s change in narrative proceeded from a concept that was less commonly accepted for women to one that is more commonly accepted, i.e. from rockers to sexy idols. They moved in the direction that would attract the least vitriol. Going in reverse, for Wonder Girls, is going to draw a lot of attention. And that attention is most likely to take the form of netizens questioning their abilities as musicians. No matter what Wonder Girls does, no matter how much they shred, this conversation will take place in a different arena than it would for male musicians.

JYP is anticipating this conversation. There’s a reason for the reassuring notes at the end of each teaser that states that the music was recorded by the Wonder Girls members. Dismissal and disbelief are expected. So why do it at all? Why invite all the noise and nonsense? Well, because noise and nonsense gets heard! After a two-year hiatus, and a career that never fully reached the heights it was hyped to attain, Wonder Girls needs something to kickstart their return. Coming back as a band and ruffling a few feathers might be just what they need.

But Can They Melt Our Faces?

According to JYP, the women of Wonder Girls have spent one year preparing for their comeback. That’s one year spent learning guitar, bass, keyboard, and drums. It sounds like an impossible dream. Perhaps even a recipe for disaster.

To be fair, though, the one year quoted by JYP is a bit misleading. Yeeun previously knew how to play both guitar and piano. Sunmi supposedly started learning bass in her 20s (she’s 23). And doubtless, Hyelim and Yubin are not as green as JYP makes them out to be either. Some of this is an exaggeration to make us even more excited to see what these women can do. It also lowers expectations, which is a double-edged sword.

Regardless, we’re not going to see much on music shows. It’s almost unheard of for an artist to get a live band setup, even for the big groups like CNBLUE and F.T. Island. We’re almost certain to hear a pre-recorded version of the song, which won’t make it easy for Wonder Girls to impress us with their skills when they’re slapping a muted bass. On the other hand, it will allow them to focus on giving us a more dynamic performance. Because there’s a big difference in the stage of a band and an idol group. For a band, all movement becomes more static. You are physically hooked in to a piece of equipment. The thing to watch for early on will be how the members of Wonder Girls are able to connect with their instruments. For them to rock, guitar, bass, keyboard, and drums need to be more than casual props, they need to be identities that the women inhabit. The dynamic cameras in the music shows will help, but Wonder Girls will need to figure out how to go from using movement to impress and engage their audience to using a more static form of showmanship. If their teasers are any indication, they're well on their way.

Aside from typical promotions on music shows, it will be interesting to see how fully Wonder Girls embraces the band concept. Because there’s actually one other important thing we know about this comeback. And it’s actually something that we don’t know. Or, rather, it’s something we know we don’t know. Have I lost you yet? Here it is: We don’t know if this change to Wonder Girls is a permanent one or a one-time gig. JYP has confirmed several times that Wonder Girls is returning as a band, yes, but that doesn’t mean “in perpetuity.” This is Kpop after all, where things change faster than you can swing a dead cat at them.

Embracing the band concept fully will require developing a large repertoire of songs they can perform as a band, something they don’t currently have. If they’re serious about becoming a band, this would have to be a long-term play, not a one-year project. Even then, the concept would necessarily limit their range. There’s an incredible variety of sound in Kpop right now, but a somewhat limited number of sounds that can be created with a four-piece band (though a keyboard helps). That limitation, coupled with the increased training required to master their instruments, means that Wonder Girls is actually probably better off adopting a hybrid model. I can easily see this as something that the group can strategically return to from time to time. In future concerts, they might start as a band, then two songs in, throw down their instruments and light up the stage with a killer dance performance, only to return to their instruments later on.

And that’s how I can imagine Wonder Girls truly being successful with the band concept. Not as a full-on rock band, but as an idol band. So long as the netizens don’t attack, don’t make gendered and unfair assessments of perceived musical talent, so long as Wonder Girls gets comfortable in their new skin, so long as they avoid the early exit a la AOA, then they can absolutely start melting our faces off. I'll see you on August 3rd. I'll be the guy without a face!


Zander Stachniak is a southern-born, Chicago-based writer who first discovered Kpop through ShoutCast Radio. His biases are f(x) and Block B.

Help! AOA Fanservice Is Making Us Uncomfortable!

FANSERVICE. Does any group give fanservice out as willingly and as masterfully as AOA? Over the years, the girl group has perfected the term. Must we remind you that they INVENTED the now common "Eye Contact Versions" of dance practices with "Confused?" Must we also remind you of "Short Hair" which not only was accompanied with the patented "Eye Contact Version" (which no group has done better since, ever) and the traditional "Dance Practice," but also, wait for it: "The Eye Mirror Version" whatttt?

Talk about fanservice, this "Eye Mirror Version" (whatttt) gave you two AOA's for the price of one!! You get to watch AOA watching themselves! That's almost too much fanservice! But we shouldn't have been surprised. This is brought to you by the same FNC who had their gorgeous idols in cosplay for their early hit, "Get Out."

Tomb Raider? How much more fanservice can you get? Apparently, a lot more. Like giving Jimin a whip in "Like a Cat!"

As if she were some mother f##king top madam or something. Or how about Seolhyun dressing as a cheerleader (twice now), because FNC seems to hold a wishlist that taps into the mind of every pervy netizen, and they're checking that list off, one pervy item at a time.

Which is to say, AOA is run by evil geniuses (Don't even get us started with their fetishization, complicit in Korea's infatuation, with BUTT).

But it's not until their latest release, "Heart Attack" where we finally feel uncomfortable. But it's too late. AOA has gone FULL FRONTAL FANSERVICE. Enter, the "Solo Eye Contact Version."

You can find them all here (we'll link to the official YouTube versions when they post them). But the question that these videos pose is: Should you find them? Can you take Yura staring at you for the entire song? Staring into your soul?

Because that's what it feels like. She's watching you watch her. Not just the abstract "you" as audience, it's as if she's watching you the person. The individual. You, on the other side of that screen. Which, we suppose, is the intent of these videos (besides cutting them to form the "Choreography Version," of course). They're here to provide intimacy between you and these (Ace of) Angels. Intimacy that breeds devotion.

Are you not devoted?

Are you not proverbially slayed?

We've had eye contact versions before, but rarely on this scale, and only once with AOA, with their "Short Hair" promotions. They harken back to the fancams that have become a part of Kpop consciousness ever since EXID ascended to vertical glory. Usually these videos will focus on a specific idol (this is not unique to female idols) and sometimes, inevitably, on certain parts of the anatomy. And sometimes, just sometimes, the idol will notice the fancam, their eyes hitting the lens directly. And the crowd (YouTube comments) go wild. Extra points if the idol gives a modest smile.

Now idols and the agencies are beginning to see the value of the fancam and are trying to find ways to exploit and control the intimacy that they bring to the viewer. Observe: Fiestar compiled and mashed together a smorgasbord of fancam videos for "You're Pitiful."

What AOA is doing here is taking that a step further, by not simply endorsing fancam videos, but making their own. These agency developed "fancam" videos benefit from their inevitable awareness, which allows them to give us the intense eye contact, the intimacy, that netizens crave. Connection at the spiritual/wireless level. A connection that feels so real it's unnerving.

After watching Choa's video, I had to text my girlfriend that I love her. Watching this almost felt like cheating. I'm still feeling guilt. Fellow Critical Kpopper Zander couldn't even watch any of these at work, because even though these videos are tame in comparison to some of AOA's other videos, they certainly felt like they belonged in the category of NSFW.

Which, we must also assume, is all part of the devious plot. With AOA, FNC plans on ruling over Kpop. Maybe the world. They're currently knocking on SNSD's door. And it's not even some secret. We know exactly what they're doing with fanservice and how it makes us uncomfortable the more intimate the fanservice becomes. But it's too late for us. You've been warned:

DON'T CLICK ON THIS LINK AND WATCH THESE AMAZING VIDEOS.

Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.

How to Revamp Kara for their Next Comeback (You're Welcome, DSP)

As you must know, Kara just released their seventh mini-album, In Love, and is currently promoting their single, "Cupid." And, overall, this is an inoffensive, middling release that doesn't tarnish the Kara legacy as much as bore us to tears. If this were a review, and believe us, nothing would bore us more than to review this album, we'd give this, while yawning, a:

for boring. 

To be fair, the protection of the legacy is paramount to Kara's continued existence. Goo Hara has repeatedly told fans (in her reality show, no less) how "We wanted to protect Kara," as if they were being besieged from all sides.

And that perception within the group and DSP seems to be an essential problem (as we see it, but hear us out). Kara is playing defense in an industry that demands offense. "Cupid" isn't even a bad song - it's a lesser "Mamma Mia," which is safe, and may appeal to the die-hard fans who are seeking more Jpop-infused-electronica. But if Kara wants to reclaim their top-tier status? They may have to punch instead of block. They may need to tackle instead of...block. We were never big sports fans, but basically we're saying that Kara needs to kick some ass again.

The 4Minute Treatment

Yes, we know that there are few groups as different on the Kpop spectrum as Kara and 4Minute, in attitude or aesthetics, but Kara can learn a thing or two from 4Minute's revitalizing "Crazy" comeback. 4Minute didn't have a horrendous 2014, but were definitely in a funk by the time they got to "Whatcha Doing Today?" where they seemingly exhausted the quirky-mayhem-vibe they were riding high with since "What's Your Name?"

4Minute came back with a vengeance, with a snarl on their faces - even their choreography was electrified. They didn't just seem re-energized by this dramatic shift in attitude, they looked liberated, as if the quirkiness were more debilitating then freeing. Still, even with this shift, this release was decidedly 4Minute, just 4Minute distilled and humming. This release also had something that was missing from those previous: Urgency. Passion. Whatever you want to call: The Need to Slay.

Kara seems like they're in the same place as 4Minute was circa 2014, riding (not quite as) high with their signature Kara sound, but feeling flat and bored, caught in a musical malaise. Getting the 4Minute treatment wouldn't necessarily mean Kara would have success becoming a brash, angry, fist-pumping girl group (though we'd love to see that). What's needed here is not a complete overhaul, but a reinvention. But how can Kara get Kpop fans excited again? We're glad you asked, friend!

Remind Fans of Who They Are!

Sometimes as Kpop fans, we take for granted that everyone else must know as much as we do about Kpop. But Kara has been around for eight years now, and even long-standing groups need to remind us why we fell in love with them in the first place. The wonderful thing about Kara is that, even with the members that have left, they have such wonderful, larger-than-life personalities remaining.

Park Gyuri is a quintessential diva - Kpop royalty, and she loves playing with that arrogance and image on variety shows. Why not show more of that inner-diva in these comebacks?

Han Seungyeon is incredibly hard working and strives to be a consummate professional (and she's saved and invested enough to be rich!). She also has a killer voice that could be bringing us to tears.

Goo Hara? Goo Hara is a cover girl, but she's also a stunning dancer that should be given more room to shine and a killer solo release to boot (fingers crossed on that one).

Youngji is energetic and eager to please and may be the only member that seems excited to be in Kara anymore.

There's more to each member, but surely we can see more of their personalities come through with their songs and music videos.

Right now, we're not seeing those personalities in these releases. Kara is being as generic as their songs. But Kara is special, aren't they?

Why is Kara Special? 

That's not for me to answer, but for Kara to show us! I believe that at their prime Kara was one of the best girl groups ever! Just look at some of their greats!

Step!

Mr! 

Lupin!

Even Pandora!

Kara, at their best, was exciting, pure, unadulterated, unapologetic pop. Kara had a reason to exist back then. They have a reason to exist now too. We just need to be reminded what that reason is.


Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.

BIG BANG™: The Real Kpop Taste, Without The Real Kpop Guilt

Are you tired of unfulfilled promises of Everlasting Friends that feels more like Sometimes Lasting “Friends”? How about all the confusion about the dubious and fluctuating number of members in your Kpop group? Is it 14? 25? 200? Sounds like a case of We Are ONE ... too many! Let’s not forget those groups that seem to be doomed to permanently break societal norms of politeness. Sometimes, it may just make you Wanna B an anti-fan!

But fear not, we here at the Consumer Korean Pop Products have the solution for all your ironic Kpopping stanning needs! Introducing, the new way to enjoy Korean Pop Music...

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Let these five Bad Boys croon you with their unique brand of pop music that you've probably never heard before, all the while taking over the world one American-owned international corporation television program at a time!

Don't understand Korean or Japanese? That's no problem! Our skilled interpreters will be able to decipher all of BIG BANG™’s cringey attempts at English so that you can enjoy the best there is of top-quality international cultural (in)sensitivity.

Uh oh! Did your favourite idol get caught with frivolous drug charges, shamed out of public media, never to be seen again? We here at CK hear your cries of anguish! You can listen to BIG BANG™ with confidence, knowing that our patent Teflon coating will prevent any controversy from sticking and ruining your Kpop-tacular experience! That’s right, our Oppa Didn’t Mean It! limited warranty is included with every purchase of BIG BANG™. So if your Oppa is caught being a totally regular person, running someone over with a car (because who hasn’t done that) or dating, you can rest assured that any and all public apologies will be accepted without a second thought or care!

You might be saying to yourself, “Wow! Fantastic, baby! I hear no Stupid Liar, I better do What Is Right and spend all my Dirty Cash...Tonight!”

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BIG BANG™: Because who cares about controversy when you’re the most popular Kpop group of all time.


This has been a paid advertisement by Consumer Korean Pop Products. The information and opinions expressed therein were solely those of the Consumer Korean Pop Products Group and not the opinions of this website, affiliates, staff or managers.

'Into You' Proves that Hyoseong is the Nation's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Hyoseong has finally proved it with "Into You." She's the quintessential crazy ex-girlfriend of Kpop. Hear me out. This is not a slur. Somehow or another, Korea has a way of defining (crowning) their most popular idols in affectionately hyperbolic terms. Women like Hyori and HyunA have been referred to as "Queens," while miss A's Suzy is the "Nation's First Love" and IU the "Nation's Little Sister." If we think of Hyoseong in these terms, the choice is clear. There can be no other title. She is the Nation's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. 

Beware.

She was out of their league and the Nation knew it from the start. Years after their short but intense relationship, one of the Nation's friends will see old pictures of them together on Facebook (the Nation doesn't have the heart to take them down), and they'll ask, "You got with her?"

"Oh, yes," the Nation will say, with a touch of the same sadness that always follows them. "Her." They'll remember the good times. When just a gift could make her swoon.

Or the times they spent near the ocean, where they would pretend to be stranded, just the Nation and her (and her strangely clingy friends). The Nation will want to forget those wonderful times.

Things ran hot for a while, the Nation will recall, but, eventually, Hyoseong's strange politics and seeming disloyalty to her friends gave the Nation pause. Hyoseong wanted total devotion and time and that's something the Nation, ultimately, couldn't give. They weren't even surprised when Hyoseong called things off, via text message, just three months in. And then she said, no, let's stay together, no, let's break up. No, I don't know. Before, finally, mercifully, she ended things. But that's not what haunts the Nation. It was what happened after the breakup that forever scars them, forever giving her the title as the Nation's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

Let's just say she took the breakup hard.

Hyoseong is a certain type of ex-girlfriend that encompasses all certain types of ex-girlfriends.

Hyoseong is the type of ex-girlfriend that will come to the Nation's office, out of the blue, in the sexiest little red dress the Nation has ever seen and regale them with her current crimes and misdemeanors. And then right when the Nation thinks they've got her back, even against their best interests, she f*cking poisons them.

Hyoseong is the crazy ex-girlfriend that comes to the Nation's f*cking wedding (was she even invited?) just to show the Nation what they're really missing. She'll even joke with the Nation's bride just to see the Nation sweat. Then, right when the Nation thinks the humiliation is over, Hyoseong here gives back that rare diamond the Nation gave her (at great expense) on this, the Nation's wedding day of all days because Hyoseong wants the Nation to know she just doesn't give a f*ck.

And then Hyoseong will smile just thinking about that. That's the type of ex-girlfriend Hyoseong is. You know what I'm talking about. That goodnight kiss is the kiss of death.

The Nation will remember that she's getting therapy. But they're not so sure it's helping. They know that she has two sides raging madly beneath her like a d*mn Scorpio with Scorpio ascendant. Then the Nation finds out later that Hyoseong is just seeing herself, that she thinks she's good enough at therapy already to give herself therapy, 100 bucks an hour, and the Nation will finally realize how bat-sh*t crazy this girl, this adult woman, really is.

With "Into You" Hyoseong plays the type (we've all had/will have this type of ex) once again. Underneath the cheesecake and sweet smiles, there's something foreboding and wistful with the videotapes of Hyoseong being viewed in a dark, grimy room, as if a damaged, emotionally hollow Nation is trying to relive a former, elusive magic.

Hyoseong has done a number on them, as she will with any Nation that has fallen under her voluptuous charms.

So when the Nation's friend ask, "You got with her?" The Nation will instinctively think: She's the one that got away. And then the Nation will remember everything they've been through with Hyoseong and think: Thank God. 

Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.

Are You Not Teased?

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Kpop because the teasers have won. Even with all of major releases this week, we're seeing a major uptick of teasers, what's upcoming, so close and so far, in our Twitter feed. Which made us think. What's the deal with teasers? And what makes a teaser a quality tease (or a poor tease even)? Let's take a look at a few that have caught our eyes and ears, friends.

Hyosung's "Into You" Sexy Feminine Body Dream Sequence Teaser

This is what we like to call a visual smorgasbord. Hyosung is coming back with another solo release and we're super excited. We're actually fans of her "Goodnight Kiss" solo debut, though the song itself was a bit breathy. Here, we're not getting any of the song, and maybe TS Entertainment is banking on the fact that you're not going to be viewing Hyosung's next music video because of her vocal prowess. Hyosung is the model of imagined femininity here, posing, winking, painting her toenails, and washing a car for your satisfaction. We know because she keeps smiling at us, asking, "Do you like this? How about this? I'm so happy to see you." Since no one else is in the video, the teaser itself is a rather sly attempt at creating intimacy between you, the lovelorn viewer, and Hyosung, who seems to be taken straight from your latest dream sequence. We're even given a beginning and ending grimy videotape motif, presenting this as a private viewing experience, something, dare we say, "Secret."

Hyunseung's "It's Me" Super Short Maybe Amazing Song Audio Teaser

And now we come to the audio teaser, which is a strange animal. Here we get twenty seconds of Hyunseung's "It's Me," which includes, we believe, the hook of the chorus. We get some EDM that may just be your next ringtone. This could be an amazing song. The song of the summer even. But it's just twenty seconds so who knows? Hyunseung could just be shrieking the rest of the song for all we know. Apparently this isn't the promotional single, so in many ways this is a tease for the song but also the single (because who cares about the rest of the album, right?). Teasing the audio tracks is not new and we'll probably get more of these teases before the release of the single - many times whole albums are teased, one short clip of a song leading to another. But twenty seconds? Give us some meat, Hyunseung. We're already hyped on your release, now we want something to chew on already!

Elsie (That's Eunjung!)'s Not So Good "I'm Good" Teasers Confusing but Legs tho 

Sometimes a teaser can give just enough away to make you nervous. We're big fans of T-ara here at Critical Kpop, and Eunjung (or is it Elsie now?) is one of our faves. When word came out that she was getting her own solo debut, we couldn't have been more jazzed. But this first teaser. It's getting us nervous. No, you should not judge a concept by the teaser, friends (we know this). But a teaser is supposed to get you excited. Wet your anticipation (not just just your body, Eunjung/Elsie!). Through this teaser, the song seems like a ballad, and though ballads, in the right hands, with the right vocal chords, can be great, Eunjung isn't exactly known for her voice. This melodramatic shower scene, while showing off Eunjung's gorgeous body (those legs, right?), doesn't really excite us for a killer release. In fact, it has all the hallmarks of getting lost in the crowd. We're hope we're wrong. But as far as teasers go, this is a dud. And the second teaser that just came out?

This confuses things further! Why are they making Elsie seem like an entirely different artist? Is that girl supposed to be a younger Eunjung? Are we being trolled? Is this even a teaser or is this the actual release? Excite us MBK, don't confuse us!

Sixteen's Sixteen Awkward Teasers

As you must know, Sixteen is the upcoming reality/survivor show that will cull down the members until the next big girl group is made before your very eyes. We have some major reservations for this show and nothing from these awkward teasers has quelled our concerns, mainly that the show is going to be a pressure cooker that is going to be needlessly cruel to these young girls who are already feeling the pressure of making it into the Kpop world. And when we say young, we mean YOUNG. One of these girls looks like she's 12 (and may will be 12). There's something alarming too on how cheesy these teasers are - we get some dancing, sometimes some singing, and then a little interview from each hopeful, usually with them giving their role in proposed group (I'm the cute one! I'm the sexy one! I'm the young one! Support me!) before laughing on cue, showing their humble embarrassment. It all seems very produced and wholesome for a show that will push these girls to the limit under many watchful, judging eyes. We pray for these girls and so should you.

Big Bang's "Made" Tour Trailer Yes It's Actually Made Yes They're Actually Back What!

To be fair, this is a trailer, not a teaser. But are you not teased? Only Big Bang can make a teaser for their tour that doesn't feature their own music, and still get over 2 million views. It seems as though they're more concerned with giving an ode to American grindhouse exploitation films, à la Quentin Tarantino. Which, eight years after Grindhouse, still feels really cool. We feel like Big Bang has teased us for ages. Maybe that's all they have left?

But wait - what's that? Big Bang has released their new music video for "Loser?" It's finally happening? How wonderful, and somehow odd, to finally receive what has been teased. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Kpop.