Oh My Girl and the Majestic Beauty of 'Closer'

This is how impressive Oh My Girl's dance formations are: To fully appreciate the movements and to catch the members forming sings of the zodiac, one has to view their performance from above, like watching a Busby Berkeley musical, like mapping the stars in a clear night sky.

Now, ultimately it doesn't matter if you can make out the astrological signs or can decipher the telegraphed movements. To enjoy "Closer" doesn't require this feat, and the live music show performances, while sometimes cutting to an overhead view, don't really emphasize this sophistication. What's impressive here is the simple fact that they've even gone to such lengths to begin with. It adds to the allure of the concept, the inherent mystery. Not everything is as it seems.

Which can be said about Oh My Girls as a rookie group. On first glance, or, say, cupid's arrow, we've been hit with an inoffensive girl group tapping into the innocence and elfin femininity of an A Pink or early SNSD (or: S.E.S.). There are many groups targeting that fan demographic, in varying degrees, almost to the point where nearly every rookie girl group, from April to G-Friend to Loveleyz, will someday inherit this sub-genre of playful quasi-adolescence. So, while "Cupid" was actually a good song, the arrow didn't quite hit on target, and Oh My Girl seemed destined to fall in the middle of this pack.

But then, enter: "Closer."

With "Closer," the eight member group impresses with their choreography and their vocals, lifted by the beautifully ethereal song. While their outfits are more in line with their schoolgirl counterparts (Lovelyz, G-Friend, etc), the music video takes on the more dreamlike state of the song, and the girls exchange their aegyo for the sublime. It's a welcome tradeoff.

What's wonderful/strange/mystifying about Oh My Girl's "Closer," is that sublime quality that makes this rookie group, who had their first release just this April, so wistful - there's a sense of adventure and mystery with the music video, but also this sadness that is punctuated by this, well - longing.

What's also wonderful/strange/mystifying with "Closer," and, specifically here with the music video, are the startling images that call back to fairy tales and fables.

After YooA wakes up from her long slumber, she's led through the mysterious forest by Binnie, in Little Red Riding Hood garb, holding a lantern, YooA's Virgil in this underworld.

Binnie leads YooA to a ferry, where she travels, alone, on a dark and foggy sea (with water so shallow that she encounters a baby deer - just out of reach).

This river/ocean/pond feels more like the River Styx and is reminiscent of that mysterious deathly journey - until YooA, perhaps the most innocent-looking of the members of Oh My Girl, reaches the ruins of an ancient civilization - one that looks pagan in origin, like something out of Stonehenge, or how Hollywood portrays sacrificial Druid temples.

There is a sense of ruin and these images, steeped in our old fables and legends, help solidify this feeling of decay. Of the old world gone away (and awry).

When YooA encounters an old mirror, touching it, the world brightens, but even that is just a memory, one that YooA can only witness. She is unable to stop herself and her friends from partaking from the tree - the apple, yes, the golden apple, the forbidden fruit.

Lean in to closely to find meaning, and you're only going to get a headache. I'm sure that a deep interpretation of this music video is unnecessary and will prove fruitless (fruit - get it?!), but having a forbidden apple is significant and has been since Snow White took her bite, and, long, long before her, when Eve took her own. These things never end well.

And then, finally, YooA finds "herself" in a car overgrown by vines and nature - when she touches her inert body (likely: dead), covered in a shroud, she sees the world as it was, with her friends by her side.

We can't feel the real sorrow for the ruined world without knowing what was lost: friendship, warmth, love. Why can't things return to the way they were?

We can get close (closer, even), but, in the end, YooA can't stop herself from doing what she's already done. She stares at her body, there's a moment of recognition, and then, the video ends.

It's heartbreaking; it's abrupt. It's final. Even Oh My Girl fades away.

So, why am I writing about this release now and pointing out images and tropes you've probably registered immediately?

Because, dear reader, it's important that this music video incorporates these classical tropes, these images, and, with the dream-like song, with the astrological choreography - with Seunghee singing "Can you hear my cry?" and breaking your heart every single time - "Closer" manages to create a dreamlike world that never was, that you somehow long for to return. That's why I keep returning to this video, again and again (maybe that's why you do too). This majestic release makes you nostalgic for the imagined.

And they're rookies. Imagine what Oh My Girl will do next?


Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.

MV of the Month: Red Velvet's 'Dumb Dumb'

Admit it. You know you can't get the song out of your head. Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb, Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb, Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb...

And that's just one of the reasons why Red Velvet's "Dumb Dumb" has received our coveted Music Video of the Month for September! Get out the cheese puffs! Trash the office! Red Velvet has finally arrived!

Make no mistake, "Dumb Dumb" is a pop fantasia. While the song is by no means a masterpiece, and some have even bemoaned "Dumb Dumb" as another messy SM release, what works for this song is that this chaos builds so beautifully and quickly that before you know it, Irene's rapping Michael Jackson song titles while billie jean is splashed on the screen. And, if you have a heart, you're loving it. And if you don't love it, listen to the song again. Watch the video again. If you still don't love it, we have to ask: Do you even have a heart?



Because "Dumb Dumb" might be a mess of a song, but it's a mess in the way that Pollock made a mess of the canvas. And yes, we're calling this pop art, and ten years from now, we'll stand by this. And still you doubt. Have you even seen the music video?

Take a still, just about any still, and you can frame it on your wall. It's not just the poses, those glamour shots. Red Velvet bursts with charisma and confidence even when they don't crack a smile. While "Happiness" impressed, and "Ice Cream Cake" blew so many people away (it didn't wow us, personally), amidst all of the mayhem of "Dumb Dumb," we feel like this is the first time we're truly seeing Red Velvet as the superstar idols that they're destined to be.

We're talking personality, friends. And this video is loaded with it.

And maybe, just maybe it started with Yeri joining the group? While we've been big Joy fans since Red Velvet's inception, and the group seemed fine with just four members. Yeri has brought a youthful energy and charisma that balances perfectly with the rest of the girls. In fact, we'd argue that her inclusion has shot that infusion of personality into the group, and not just because she has killer stares or can brighten a room with a wink.



But, really, it's not any one member that can be completely attributed with Red Velvet's rise. While our heart beats for Joy and everything that she does, Irene is a killer rapper, Wendy's energy is electric, and Seulgi is a bonafide dancing queen.

Everyone has a chance to shine here, and if anything is missing from this video it's more of the hyper-ecstatic choreography, but don't worry, we got you covered! WATCH NOW.

We haven't even discussed what the video may mean - probably because we have no idea! Everything with the robot girls and factory work reads like a meta-commentary of manufactured pop and the beleaguered "studio system." While that's all well and good and a theory that could fill pages and pages of your undergrad dissertation (let alone two or three articles here at Critical Kpop - which you can write and send to us, we need more writers already!), we somehow doubt that SM Entertainment would be so provocative, or self-aware enough to question their own means of production.

But...maybe?

Perhaps SM is saying something between the lines, and we would be the first to make that observation, but even if there's not a single cohesive narrative here or even an inkling of societal commentary, "Dumb Dumb" is a triumph. It's ecstatic, it's mesmerizing, and now we can finally say that Red Velvet's "Dumb Dumb" is our MV of the Month for September! 

Who Wins the Song of the Summer?

September is well under way, and those hot summer months are already starting to feel like a thing of the past. But before you pack up your swim trunks and stow away your sunscreen, one formality remains: choosing the Song of the Summer, a time-honored tradition here at Critical Kpop. Every year, starting this year, we review the hottest summer tracks, awarding the best and discounting the rest. So let’s hear it, Summer 2015. What you got?

Tim: To me, the Song of the Summer doesn’t necessarily mean the song that tries the hardest to encapsulate that summer feeling. In fact, the harder idols try to get that summer feel, the less authentic it feels. So sorry, Guhara, Girls’ Generation, Sistar, Apink, NS Yoon-G, try as you might, you may have tried too hard here, and you ended up, ultimately, being pretenders to the throne. They are “Summer Songs,” but “Song of the Summer?” Come on. Maybe this is an unfair criteria, but often the Song of the Summer captures the summer season by both happenstance and with a twist of fate. And unexpectedly, wonderfully, we are enthralled.

So, with that in mind, I should first throw T-ara’s “So Crazy” into the fray. Why? Because I love T-ara. But also because they switched it up a bit here, taking a step back from their EDM, and brought us a super-catchy Brave Brothers classic that had the summer upbeat feel without the summer pandering. Well, besides the sailor outfits? I’m not way off base here, am I, Zander?

Zander: Who? T-ara? Couldn’t be. And here’s why - “So Crazy,” though a whole lot of fun, and maybe the best thing T-ara’s produced in years, doesn’t have staying power. And that’s what song of the summer is all about: staying in your head. To qualify as song of the summer, the music has to be so fresh, so catchy that you can’t hear anything else. It’s the first song you hear on your Kpop playlist, and it’s the last song to leave your head. It’s the song you can’t escape. Sorry, Hello Venus, Sonamoo, Wonder Girls, and sorry, T-ara, you’re all too easy to escape.

Here’s one that I couldn’t get rid of. INFINITE’s “Bad.” This song hooked me from the very beginning. Long before I discovered the joy of 360 degree VR technology, I was obsessed with the obscenely catchy music. It’s simple enough to get lodged deep within my brain, but complex enough that it’s also endlessly repeatable!

Tim: Zander, you’re breaking my heart here. You really are. Because INFINITE’s “Bad” is one of my favorite songs (and releases) of the year. But, for me, it just doesn’t encapsulate the light, airy feeling of “summer.” Same goes for GOT7, SHINee, and BTS - who also had three releases that could rank up with my favorite releases of the year. These are timeless releases that will make most people’s end of the year lists, but as the Song of the Summer? I’m sorry, Zander (sorry/not sorry), but these classics don’t capture the summer as the Song of the Summer should.

You know what song does and what you’ve conveniently forgotten? 9 Muses’ “Hurt Locker.” It’s epic, it’s hopeful, it’s bright - it was on the top of my playlist, and may not have captured the airwaves, but certainly captured...my ears? I don’t know. All I know is that if you’re going to talk about the Song of the Summer, 9 Muses has to be in that conversation.

Zander: Okay, point taken about Song of the Summer needing to capture that special summer vibe. But now I feel like you’re just trying to push girl groups. No way does 9 Muses chart as an unforgettable song. “Hurt Locker” was enjoyable, but it just didn’t have that special something. I’d take Mamamoo or Super Junior over 9 Muses any day. But no, both of those are lacking in terms of sheer music-ear-worminess. Yes, I made that up.

Here’s one. How about Big Bang’s “Bang Bang Bang” or “We Like to Party” or “Sober”? They all have a carefree, summer edge, and true to any Big Bang song, all of them get stuck in your head on an endless loop. What about one of these monster hits for Song of the Summer? Eh?

Tim: Damn you, Zander. You know how awful I’ll look if I don’t declare this the Summer of Big Bang? Well, I won’t submit. I won’t. Yes, it’s true, the minute I listened to “Bang Bang Bang” I was one of the first to say, THIS IS THE SONG OF THE SUMMER, IT’S OVER. In all caps even! But, as the summer progressed, my feelings slowly changed. As it did with “We Like to Party,” which feels just like a summer anthem, but isn’t anywhere as good as “Bang Bang Bang” (sorry/not sorry) or “Sober,” which felt too heavy, thematically, to be even a song of summer, let alone the Song of the Summer.

I know that this isn’t shedding my girl group bias, but I have to go there. AOA’s “Heart Attack” has the lightness of 9 Muses and T-ara’s summer songs but also holds a hook that that stays with you and grows and grows and grows until it’s the only thing that’s in your head. It wasn’t even my favorite girl group releases, but by the end of the summer it was really the first song that came to my head. Sometimes, the only.

Zander: Come on, Tim. Another girl group? Just kidding. AOA’s “Heart Attack” was my idea! I’m the one who started this whole idea of awarding a song of the summer just so I could give it to AOA! Because seriously, of all the great Kpop that came out these past few months, there’s one song that stands out to me as the one that constantly pops into my head, that relentlessly pursues me until I give in and listen to it again, and again, and again, and I never stop because I never get tired of it because it’s just that good. Ah! AOA. Yes, Tim, GREAT IDEA! Song of the Summer. Boom. Done.

Tim: Done? Maybe. But what do you think, dear reader?

Zander: Whatever.

Tim: No! Not whatever! WE NEED THEM. We gave our opinions, now it's your turn! Who wins the song of the summer? Let us know in the comments!

Clash of the Girl Groups: Second Opinion

There have been some major releases from the biggest Kpop Queens that are just itching to clash. The fight is so intense that one Kpopper can’t handle this alone. I’ve employed Critical Kpop’s very own Zander Stachniak to offer a second opinion on two of the biggest releases of the year. We're going to be playing Queens or Coasting, and everyone can play along! We should start now, since the Clash of the Girl Groups keeps continuing!

Girl’s Generation: Queens or Coasting? 

Tim: Since it’s my column, I get to start! Ha! Let’s get one thing clear, friends. I’m easily the biggest girl group fan at Critical Kpop, but one group constantly confounds me. Girls’ Generation - the Queens of Girl Groups. As an idol group that has been around as long as SNSD has, and has had as many major releases as they have, and who are sitting, pretty comfortably, at the top of the mountain of girl groups, do they even have to try anymore?

And the scary thing is, maybe they don’t. “Party” was boring, cheesy, and generic, even on the scale of summer songs. Yes, it was a “pre-release,” but fans didn’t treat it this way, and SNSD dominated the charts, garnered over thirty million views, and won all of the music shows. With an industry so dominated by name recognition and popularity, does the most popular idol group in the world really have to be innovative, or can they just coast until retirement?

After “Party,” it seemed like SNSD would be content with just that, but “Lion Heart” and “You Think,” while not exactly breaking the internet, have certainly brought a pulse of personality back to the table. “Lion Heart” does continue the boy-crazy, never-been-kissed persona(s) that is pretty much natch in Kpop, but, unlike “Party,” this is actually an enjoyable song. Catchy, smooth, jazzy even. And “You Think” has some attitude, an edge even, that Kpop girl groups have seemed to have lost this year. Again, neither of these songs are shockingly innovative, but even the biggest Kpop skeptic can’t deny that this is a return to form. Or can they? Speaking of Kpop skeptics, what does Zander Stachniak have to say here?

Zander: You’ll find no skeptic here! Okay, maybe a little bit of a skeptic, but only about the unimportant parts. Because you’re absolutely right, Tim!, both “Lion Heart” and “You Think” are full of life. “Lion Heart” starts with all the cheese (pizza) that Girls’ Generation is often synonymous with, but as soon as the beat starts, I’m hooked. This would absolutely work as a TTS song with the fun, jazzy sound. Even the dances, once you get past the incredible sense of deja vu, start to be really fun. Wait was that the twist mixed with a healthy dose of kitten? Was that the dance from Grease? Disco? Tango? They’re all there, which adds color to an already great song. What can be said about the concept? A lesson for players everywhere - don’t invite all your dates to the exact same meetup.

And “You Think.” You know what I think? I think Girls’ Generation, for the first time in 2015, is pretty damn cool. I’m not talking popularity here. They’re always popular. I’m talking that inexplicable thing that makes everyone else want to be them. So do I think that Girls’ Generation is coasting? Not at all. “Party” was unfortunate, best forgotten and never spoken of again. But what group doesn’t have a few duds in their catalog?

Queens vs. Coating: Queens! 

HyunA: Coasting Queen?

Zander: When you boldly claim that you’re “the best” in front of millions of viewers, you’d better bring your A game. 2NE1 sure did. But HyunA? She seems to have lost it somewhere between last year’s “Red” and now. Because no matter how much I see her name, HyunA, next to “Because I’m the Best” or the mini-album title, A+, when I watch the music video I don’t believe it.

“Red” was a thing of genius, a well-deserving music video of the year for 2014. And that was all due to HyunA’s bold confidence in creating her own aesthetic. Monkeys, lipstick, glitter, Egypt! No one’s ever done this before? Exactly. There’s a beautiful moment in “Red” where for a split second we believe HyunA is locked in a cage with paparazzi mercilessly photographing her, only to learn that it is not HyunA in the cage but the flash-happy cameramen. It’s indicative of her whole project with “Red,” where she flipped the traditional model of fan-service to give the fans exactly what they didn’t know they’d always needed.

These days, HyunA is clinging to the bright colors and easy tank-tops of youth culture, the lowest common denominators (money! guns! sex!), and the dregs of whatever enjoyment there is still left in twerking. She’s gone too Western with her style (is that you, Brittany?!), and is (gasp!) even relying on the most tired of all Kpop tropes, the sports car in the background. It seems that the cage she avoided in “Red” has finally fallen in “Because I’m the Best.” Which gives me a great idea for her next single: escape artist!

Tim: Great analysis, Zander! But since this installment is called “Second Opinion,” let me offer a slightly different take here. Let me just agree, firstly, that this video goes after the lowest common denominator and ends up falling flat, unfortunately. Even the energy seems slightly off here, as if HyunA is running on fumes, which, considering her hectic schedule, she may very well be. 

I don’t think HyunA’s “lost it” as much as Cube has gotten a bit lazy here. It’s like I was writing earlier about SNSD (HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ALREADY?), when a group (or in this case, an idol) gets so popular, sometimes it can be easier and more fruitful to coast. HyunA’s coming off of “Red” and 4Minute’s amazing “Crazy,” which is really just a continuation of the energy and mayhem of her solo work. “Because I’m the Best” feels cobbled together, haphazard, and, ultimately, dull. Like Cube felt they had to capitalize on HyunA’s success and made a western stew, hoping that imitation would suffice for innovation.

And they could be right, but it doesn’t mean we have to like it, do we?

HyunA: Queen vs. Coasting: Coasting :(

Clash of the Girl Groups: T-ara vs. Everyone Edition

For this very special edition of Clash of the Girl Groups, I've decided to take a moment to honor one of the most historically volatile groups in all of Kpop, Of course, I'm referring to T-ara. And last week was one for the history books, friends, as T-ara battled just about everyone. And guess what? They won. Let's take a closer look here. The Clash of the Girl Groups continues!

T-ara vs. One Direction

This had to be one of the funniest meltdowns Kpop fans have witnessed in ages, and for the first time, it wasn't coming from them! How wonderful it felt to see an entirely different fandom embarrass themselves in a meaningless contest, as One Direction decried the impossibility of T-ara besting them in the costly war of fandoms run by Billboard. I couldn't possibly document this better than Asian Junkie has here, but understand that Directioners accusing Queens of somehow cheating, causing more controversy in an endless T-ara controversy loop, is just one part of this story.

For one, these Directioners vastly underestimate T-ara's dominance in China and China's dominance, with just their population, around the world. T-ara has really struck gold here by making a claim for China's heart early. Now every other group is playing catch up. So many Kpop artists have been eyeing America as a future market, but, perhaps, they should have looked next door. Everyone should be keeping an eye on this emerging market, friends.

The second part of this that you really should be keeping an eye on is that so many Kpop fans banded together and voted for T-ara, mostly to spite the arrogant One Direction fans, some of whom were badmouthing Kpop as a whole. This is significant because T-ara as an ambassador for Kpop would be abhorrent to many Kpop fans just a year ago. A year ago, many of these Kpop fans would probably be on the frontlines championing against T-ara, complaining about how SNSD didn't make it to the final four of these fan wars. Speaking of SNSD, have you seen "Lion Heart" yet? Good stuff, good stuff.

So, anyway, what's changed? Maybe time has healed many of the wounds T-ara's scandals have caused. But also the tumultuous 2014 happened, and Jessica left Girls' Generation in a very controversial fashion, proving that no group is exempt from trauma. There will always be those that associate T-ara as bullies or dismiss them as scandalous, but there's also a palpable shift here, which certainly makes sense. Because after all of this time, aren't you ready to forgive T-ara already?

It's not over yet, friends. T-ara fans are facing off against Beyonce fans in the finals, and it looks like T-ara is going to beat this fandom handedly. And when the Queens beat the Beyhive, will Kpop fans feel proud? Will all finally be forgiven?

T-ara vs. One Direction: THE QUEENS

T-ara vs. Their Fans???

This story is all full of ughhh. Right when T-ara is in the midst of winning the week and embarrassing One Direction, this story comes out. A few T-ara fan sites shut down after T-ara didn't visit them after filming the Idol Star Athletics Championship. These groups shut down in a huff, feeling outraged that T-ara had insulted them. You can read more about it on Reddit, where a lot of news can be sifted through and, just as often, ignored. This is a story that could very well be ignored, as it turns out that T-ara couldn't visit the fans because MBC held them late.

So, egg meet face.

These very same fan sites have since apologized for their rash behavior, but the damage is done, the news spread that T-ara didn't treat their fans well, were arrogant, etc, until it turns out not to be true. Here's the question. WHAT ON EARTH WERE THESE FANS THINKING? As Cesar cried out, "Et tu, Brute?" Or, more significantly, as T-ara N4 famously asked, "Why You Hating?"

For one, why would fans be so quick to go against their favorite idols? Without so much of the facts, Jack? And for two, with T-ara's recent tumultuous years, wouldn't you make sure your slight was legitimate before making it public? You'd think the fans themselves (even these small subgroups of fans) would understand the ramifications of their actions here. And now, they're just playing the apology game.

Which is to say, it's refreshing to see that the T-ara members aren't the ones doing the apologizing for once. There won't be any tears shed on variety shows over this incident. It seems that this is already being forgotten, but one wonders, with fans like these, who needs anti-fans?

T-ara vs. Their Fans: NOT ALL QUEENS

But enough fighting. T-ara is the winner here. So let's close this off with a live performance, shall we? 

Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.

Clash of the Girl Groups: Go RETRO or Go Home

They've finally gone and did it. Wonder Girls is back, Jack, and they're not an iconic group that's simply going to coast on brand recognition, no. They've entered the Girl Group fray and they're taking no prisoners. They're here to ROCK. Or...synthesize. They're here to ROCK that SYNTHESIZER. But they're not the only major group making a comeback. The Clash of the Girl Groups is a never-ending battle, so let's get going already!

Wonder Girls vs. THE 80's

The most talked-about girl group comeback in years is finally here, friends, and I couldn't be happier. Make no mistake, this is a killer comeback with an amazingly ridiculous video. Beginning with Sunmi sitting on a toilet in short shorts, and then unzipping said shorts to reveal the music video, is one of the more strange quasi-erotic moves I've seen in Kpop, and I've watched Stellar's "Vibrato."

But what's truly amazing here is that Wonder Girls has created an 80's style comeback without becoming a parody of an 80's release. It transcends even the homage, as Wonder Girls takes the 80's music and makes it their own. It's like they've created an alternate timeline where Kpop came to existence a decade earlier. Now we know that if this timeline happened, the Wonder Girls would rule all.

What can sometimes be an afterthought at this point is that Wonder Girls is coming back with a band concept, which, no matter how much they actually play their instruments live (yes, yes, I know they've said they'll play live - but how much will be live?), is still impressive to throw in with everything else they have to do as, you know, pop idols. What I find more impressive is the fact that they've written and produced all the songs, except for "I Feel You" (written and produced by JYP), in Reboot. Even if they didn't play music live, this would be a feat, friends. At Critical Kpop, we've just about always encouraged the healthy listening of an entire album. With Reboot, this is essential.

Speaking of the album, it's time to play...

PICK A BETTER PROMOTIONAL SINGLE!

"I Feel You" is a nice, mellow introduction to the rest of the retro masterpiece of Reboot, but would a different song serve better as the promotional single? Put on your Monday Quarterbacking helmet and your JYP shoulder pads, friends, as I pick three songs that are like ten times better than "I Feel You" and what were they even thinking when they picked this song ohmygodahhhhh (slight exaggeration here).

"Baby Don't Play" has the synth-rock play of "I Feel You" but with a touch more attitude, an edge, friends, along with a killer hook: "Baby don't play ah ah ah ah..." that is far more memorable than "I Feel You." This song just jams.

"Candle" (featuring Paloalto) is maybe the best song on the album. Remember when I wrote that Wonder Girls makes the 80's music their own? This is the song that solidified this for me, and having more modern touches like Paloalto and Yubin's raps really meshes the modern and the retro.

"Loved" has all the retro love but is musically complex as well, taking it a step beyond the rest of the album's synthesized charms. Perhaps it would have been too taxing to perform live? I have no idea. I'm just Monday Quarterbacking and second guessing here. Get off my back.

Goodness, "John Doe" is a stellar song too. But "One Black Night" completely slays as a darker release (probably doesn't work as a promotional single though). But there are different directions they could have went here. "Back" sounds like a perfect Beastie Boys throwback, "OPPA" is a bratty club hit, "Faded Love" is just beautiful, a gift for your ears, "Gone" is epic, "Remember" is the prerequisite ballad, but if you're not feeling something by the end of song, reconsider your humanity already!

Which is to say, if an album has twelve songs that can serve as the promotional single, that's an amazing album, and you can quote me on that, Jack. I'm sticking with my top three choices, but what would your picks be? Everyone can play, because with Reboot everyone wins.

Wonder Girls vs. The 80's: Wonder Girls OWNS the 80's

T-ara vs. T-haters

T-ara, the undisputed Guilty Pleasure of Kpop, does not disappoint with their latest foray into mayhem with "So Crazy." First, let's look at how many guilty pleasure points T-ara has raked in with this latest release.

*Guilty Pleasure Points*

+1 for skimpy sailor outfits.
+2 for using said skimpy sailor outfits and sexy dancing to manipulate young men (who didn't give them the time of day before) to do their bidding and gain their...respect?, broadcasting confusing mixed messages yet again about gender empowerment in modern 21st century Korea.
+2 BUTT
+4 for having an older, perhaps less (as they say) "idol-esque" (admittedly mean) woman who has the respect of said young men because of either stately position or reputation, but is then thrown into this strange beauty contest to compete with mother f*cking T-ara of all peoples, only to be shamed and humiliated and essentially shunned by these same fickle men.

*Points: (Number) 9*

But anyway, while I would have preferred something more like last year's EDM Masterpiece, "Sugar Free," T-ara knows a thing or two about producing songs all across the Kpop spectrum. The moments when they don't deviate from their norm are notable, friends.

For one, we see, again, who I would like to call NERD JIYEON.

She just loves this look, as we've seen this Jiyeon in "Little Apple."

And, of course, while she was living all Jeon Won Diary with sup-group T-ara N4.

Yes, other T-ara members have done the nerd look (in these very videos in fact), but none of them seem to embody and revel in that role more than Jiyeon does, returning to this affectation time and time again. It's like she does a Reverse Urkel, using her transformation chamber to rid herself of her meddlesome Stefan persona. What I'm saying is, Nerd Jiyeon is Best Jiyeon. You can quote me on that.

That's not the only theme that "So Crazy" repeats from the T-ara videography. Once again, T-ara finds themselves in competition to win either male admiration or the community's respect. We saw this in N-4's "Jeon Won Diary," where they practice tirelessly to win the town's talent show. We saw this more recently in "Little Apple," where they tried to win...an apple(?) from the sleazy male producers(?), only to lose out at the very last minute. In "So Crazy," they win the beauty contest they compete in, but here's the thing, the look and feel of the presentation feels remarkably like that of certain weekly music programs that certain Kpop groups perform and essentially compete in. The very same music programs/competitions that T-ara, despite being the most consistent girl group for the last three years, hasn't won once in that same time.

Even their winning seems like an imitation of wining on these music programs, with shocked faces accompanied with hugs and tears. Is it too much to hope that T-ara is making some meta-commentary with their lack of music show victories since their fabled bullying scandal? Or even that competitions are being subconsciously skewered because of T-ara's recent history with them? Probably. But you have to admit, it's fun to see T-ara win for once.

You may have noticed that I haven't written much about the song here, and that's because, for the most part, it's standard Brave Brothers/AOA sounding fare. No major surprises or wow factor here. But maybe this more generic song is just what is needed to silence the rabid T-haters? The song has a great turn at about the two minute, sixteen second mark, where Hyomin ratchets up the intensity, and it's a solid release all together, but can it compete with the like of a rebooted Wonder Girls? Maybe more importantly, with their attention shifted to China, does T-ara even care about dominating Korean charts anymore?

T-ara vs. T-haters: T-haters are gonna hate, but T-ara has 1.3 billion new fans waiting, so.

Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.

Clash of the Girl Groups: Go Big Or Go Home

After weeks of girl group releases, did you really think that things were going to slow down? Well, did you, punk? All I know is that the second and third tiers of Kpop may have the most compelling releases of the summer. But does it matter when groups like Apink and Girl's Generation dominate the charts no matter what they release? The Clash of the Girl Groups keeps on going, so let's get started! 

Stellar vs. The Internet

It's been called, by many, the vagina video. And, yes, there's so much vagina imagery that Georgia O'Keeffe would be like, This is a bit much. But in this day and age, with the competition as fierce and unforgiving as this Kpop summer has been, too much is just enough. I've said many times that if you want to have a killer release, you have to Go Big Or Go Home. And Stellar must have heard me because no group has done that more than them. They've decided, probably after no one cared about the more lighthearted, generic "Fool," that if they're not going to be famous, they're going to infamous.

It helps that this song just kills. It's an epic release and by the time you've been assaulted by half-a-dozen vaginas, the song blasts to the climax and you're loving it (Georgia O'Keeffe would be like, This is my jam). This is the sequel to "Marionette" no one knew they wanted. All the way down to the leotards.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the internet. Remember how controversial and polarizing netizens found "Marionette?" It made half of Kpop sound like grandparents, bemoaning the decay of society.

The hellfire brought upon "Vibrato" isn't even close to that. In fact, if you look at the YouTube video, most comments are fans giving their full support. While there are plenty of dislikes, the likes finally dwarf them. So what's changed since oh 2014? Have netizens somehow turned the corner? Have we all grown up a little? Maybe just desensitized? Or is it the timing - Stellar's hyper-sexuality instills something close to relief whilst grouped in with the summer sweetness of most girl group releases. Whatever the reason, we're glad that Stellar has transcended the tired slut-shaming conversation of Kpop's recent past. They've gone big, ridiculous even, and have an iconic release that will be remembered for years.

Stellar vs. The Internet: GO BIG OR GO HOME

Apink vs. THE FUTURE

We've got to hand it to Apink, they are unabashedly devoted to their brand of sweet, pre-millennium Kpop. Did I say brand? Because really, it's a sub-genre within Kpop that Apink has spearheaded, and without their success we'd probably not see the likes of Lovelyz or GFriend, who are apparently releasing a song with a Spanish title?

Which, considering the marketing potential with the devoted South American Kpop fanbase, feels pretty ingenious. But, I digress.

Forever now, we've been wondering when Apink would change up their concept, but, the more we think about it, why on Earth would they do that? If they went sexy, they'd get lost in the shuffle of sexy concepts. If they even went mature, they'd lose that idyllic innocence that seems to be so appealing to their fans (we honestly don't get it, here at Critical Kpop, but we can't deny that it's there).

But the future, it's coming. Sonamoo and Hello Venus are jumping into the fray!

Sonamoo with "Cushion."

And Hello Venus with "I'm Ill."

Now, of course, Apink will wipe the floor (what does that saying even mean??) with the both of them. It's not even a question. Apink may be the sole girl group this summer that can challenge SNSD at music shows (if Infinite doesn't win everything first). So where's the fight here? As Georgia O'Keeffe would say, Where's the clash? 

The clash is in evolution, Georgia. Some groups, like Hello Venus, will change their concepts dramatically with every release, just to see what will stick(y). "Wiggle Wiggle" may have been the most cynical release of the year, signaling what we'd like to refer to as the Post-Kpopalypse, where these second and third-tier groups sense weakness (after a tumultuous year of scandal for the top-tier groups), and will go unflinchingly overboard in trying to elevate their standing. With "I'm Ill," Hello Venus is going for something T-ara-lite with the EDM and strobe lighting quick cuts. It's a decent song, although the music is a bit overpowering so you can't really differentiate the vocals (and Lime seems completely underused here, which is sad).

Sonamoo's a rookie group so we should expect some change here. The strange lyrics aside ("He's like a cushion??"), it's a solid if not spectacular song. I'm surprised and more than a little disappointed that they didn't go further with being B.A.P's sister group, and went instead with something softer and middling here. Maybe it's because of the hate they were getting from irate B.A.P fans? Whatever happened to B.A.P's contract dispute anyway? Kpop is a strange world, folks.

But anyway, you look at what these groups are changing, almost haphazardly, and then you have Apink, resilient, steadfast, fighting the future one release at a time. And they keep getting more popular. Who wins here? Who do you think?

Apink vs. The Future: Apink

Choco Chip Cookie vs. How About Me? 

As Georgia O'Keeffe would say, What's this - a solo release in the Clash of the Girl Groups? Well, first of all, calm down, O'Keeffe. Goo Hara is a member of Kara, in case you forgot, so what she does as a solo artist resonates in the Girl Group arena.

The only point I need to make here is that DSP just released a dance practice video for "How About Me?" proving that life isn't fair.

I complained a bit about this in the last This Week in Kpop, but "How About Me?" is a thousand times more memorable than the pretty pictorial we got from "Choco Chip Cookie." I know, I know, KBS banned the song. But you run with that, DSP, and go with the song with some attitude and edge. This is the solo release we deserved after years of flat Kara releases. This is the evolution Kara should be taking, and having Youngji there too shows what we're missing because DSP is afraid to take risks. As Georgia O'Keeffe would say, GO BIG OR GO HOME. Wait, I said that. I'm sure a lot of people have said that though, at least once.

Choco Chip Cookie vs. How About Me?: We've All Lost, All Is Lost

Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.

Girl's Day, SNSD, and Nine Muses! The Clash of the Girl Groups Continues!

This is getting to be just too much now, friends. As a lover of girl groups, and resident girl group Kpop lover here at Critical Kpop, I've been ready to wave the white flag and declare 2015 Year of the Boy Band. But the girl groups are back, with an unrelenting vengeance. And they're rewarding/punishing their fans by having their releases days apart, in a clash of the girl powers the likes the world has never seen (we imagine)! Hyperbole aside, let's look at the continuing clash of the girl groups! Who are the winners here?

AOA vs. Sistar

This faceoff seems like it's getting strangely personal between the groups and their respective fandoms, with even the voting on music shows being suspect. There have been conspiracy theories for a while that MBC and Music Core despise Sistar and love seeing them fail, and when Sistar beat AOA on all categories except fan texting, and still lost, Sistar fans felt like this was another prime example. And when you look at Sistar, after hearing that AOA has won, Hyorin does not look happy. She leaves immediately as the encore begins, and none of Sistar congratulates AOA.

To be fair, AOA looked less than thrilled when Sistar won on Music Bank, and to be fair to both groups, the stakes are high here: Sistar wants to stay on top and may feel the strain of proving, with every release, that they're elite. AOA is hungry and has been so close to being elite that they're seeing red. But, really, both of these groups are going to win their share of music shows, so fans should be advised to, well, chill. Sistar and AOA are not direct rivals - they're very different in almost every way (except for their love of BUTT). Kpop is big enough for the both of them, and if they have one thing in common it's that neither of these songs are works of art. They're fun, they're light, and perfectly targeted for summer. But let's not pretend that one group is dominating the other with these releases.

Sistar vs. AOA: It's a Draw!

SNSD vs. Alternate Universe SNSD

Just over a week ago, the leaked footage of Jessica in "Catch Me If You Can" reopened a wound that hasn't even healed completely. It could be divine providence that we now get the first of three(!) releases that showcase an SNSD as eight, enjoying the summer sun. Okay, let's be honest with ourselves here. This release, besides featuring Kpop's favorite girls, is so, so boring. Even looking at this objectively, as a summer song, it falls flat. We don't even like Sistar's summer songs but they can give SNSD a pointer or two, at least. Yes, this will dominate the charts, but will we even remember this song by the end of the year?

That's not important. SM knows this, you know this. Consider this the appetizer to the two other releases, which seem like they'll be more ambitious attempts at stealing your hearts.

But that still begs the question: Will "Party" be memorable enough, in the meantime, at expelling Alternate Universe SNSD's version of "Catch Me If You Can" from the Kpop consciousness? Looking at the charts, which SNSD has quickly topped and All-Killed, it seems like "Party" can and already has. Even with the public breakup, SNSD has not received T-ara-level backlash. SNSD is untouchable, in any universe. They're an institution. They're money.

SNSD vs. Alternate Universe SNSD: OT8

Girl's Day vs. Expectation(s)

Here's my advice to you, dear reader: Give this song multiple listens. It does get better in time, but no matter how many times you listen to it, "Ring My Bill" is a cluttered mess. The chorus of "Ring ring my bell/Ring my bell," feels so disjointed that it halts the song right when it's picking up momentum. Minah's killer vocals almost bridges to the chorus, but the song just veers into too many directions to be enjoyed with major enthusiasm. Believe me, I've tried. Girl's Day has been one of my favorites. But this song is damaged goods.

Is Girl's Day damaged goods too? Netizen Buzz seems to think so. They've posted multiple articles that target Girl's Day: from accusations of plagiarism, to shorts being too short, to the girls being aloof during an internet show. I'm not linking them here, because linking to internet attack hounds seems counter-intuitive to how I want my Kpop world to be. Netizens are eating this up and being pretty brutal with their comments to these manufactured "issues." Girl's Day is getting big-time hate here. Do you know what that means?

They've made it!

Girl's Day vs. Expectation(s): Every Day, Girl's Day!

(Mamamoo Just Wants to Have Fun)

They've always given stellar live performances, but they're really tearing up the music shows right now, and having more genuine fun at just being there and competing on the charts (hovering in the top ten!), that it will make your cold, wicked Kpop heart warm for summer.

Watch Every Mamamoo Live Performance! 

Nine Muses vs. EVERYBODY

And then there's Nine Muses, and, listen, there's a reason that they're the cover image: Their "Hurt Locker' BEATS EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE RELEASES. Not in the charts, no, not even close. But the song? Maybe their best since "Wild," in their fabled and epic 2013. It has the summer energy without the summer cheesiness. In fact, Nine Muses spits in the face of that summer fluff. There's power and emotion in this song that the other girl groups aren't even touching right now. This song is being epic while the other girl groups are tanning on the beach.

The choreography? Move over, butt shakes! Get out of her, leg wobbles! Have you even seen (Nine Muses') Sojin dance? Watch the live performances. You'll be a believer.

This is a killer release and Nine Muses rises above the summer mediocrity with the best girl group song this side of 4Minute's "Crazy." Will it win on the charts? Will it win on a music show? Does Nine Muses ever win?!

Nine Muses vs. EVERYBODY: Nine Muses Never Wins WHY

Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.

AOA vs. Alternate Universe SNSD vs. Mamamoo vs. Sistar

To slay or not to slay? That should not even be a question! But lately, with girl group releases, it seems to be a legitimate question to pose. We've been trapped in a wave of mediocrity since maybe 4Minute's "Crazy" but hope is on the horizon, Hope that came in this weekend's major releases. But did any of our favorite girl groups make a deep impression? Did any of them actually Slay ? Let's take a look!

Heir Apparent?

This is what we tweeted after watching AOA's "Heart Attack" for the first time:

It's finally here. We're dying, we're dead. Slayed on 6/21/15. https://t.co/pWLE7gLQad

- Critical Kpop (CriticalKpop) June 21, 2015

And we stand by this tweet. We were really that excited to see AOA back with a fun summer song and a (cute) bad-80's-teen-comedy concept. But does it slay? Well...the music here is a bit overpowering over AOA's lovely vocals, although AOA is not exactly known for their singing anyway (beyond maybe Choa and Jimin's trademark voice).

But what still excites us is AOA reminding us of early SNSD - the SNSD / 2PM "Caribbean Bay" CF comes to mind especially - with the lovesick characters and extensive training for a goal wherein the stakes are beyond the viewer's understanding (but we root for them anyway!), sprinkling a strange wholesomeness ontop a bevy of fan service. The girls use their feminine wiles to win the game, which seems about twenty years outdated, at least, but Kpop. And, again, AOA is more SNSD than 4Minute or 2NE1, in sound and in gender dynamics.

Does it Slay? We've always considered AOA the true successors of SNSD, and they've taken a large step to fulfilling that destiny with this release. But this song does not slay, it just misses the mark.

Love U I Swear Touch My Body  I Swear I Love U, so Touch My Body and then Shake It!

Shake it, already! We've already detailed some of Sistar's problems right here, friends, and how they are trapped in summer: they're hitting peak summer saturation! So let's talk about something else, shall we? Let's talk about how, despite our reservations, for what it is, and despite its similarities to summer song's past, this is a fun song that will probably do well enough to keep Sistar in summer for a few more years (God help us all) . And visually, the video is stunning - and we're not just talking about these gorgeous women - the colors onscreen just jump out at you, with a metallic edge that leaps into your eyeballs.

There's enough cheesecake and curves here to make Wa$$up blush, and though the video has a similar school setting as AOA, the goals of our dear Sistar are a little less ambitious, with their devotion only to "shaking it" and tormenting their poor teacher and a perv who happens to be the quintessential perv in Kpop now (though there happens to be a lot of pervs in Kpop this year). There's a lot of gawking in this video, as there was in AOA's. Which is odd - it's almost as if all these agencies are not confident that we'll find these idols breathtakingly attractive, they feel as though they have to teach the audience to feel this way. But they really don't.

Does it Slay? Summer is great and all, but it's time for Sistar to find another season. They're getting a bit too comfortable shaking it instead of slaying it .

THE WILD CARD

We LOVE Mamamoo. After AKMU, they may have been the best rookies of 2014 . Their raw talent is unparalleled, Their charisma electric, and their music videos are usually nothing short of spectacular. Except with this video and this release. Yes, we've been seeing Mamamoo embrace their inner-zaniness in behind-the-scenes footage and clips, so this release isn't exactly a surprise. And, to Mamamoo's credit, this is easily the best song out of the new girl group releases, and a song that has gotten more attention out of the gate then any of their previous releases.

We prefer the Live Performances though, where Mamamoo really Shines. The video involves gender-swapping that could, with more thought, be used to say something  beyond the gropiness of the characters. But it's all done for laughs and slapstick, which only goes so far in our book. By the end, with a handful of flat jokes and a "surprise twist" that, again, feels about twenty years outdated, the video does more harm than good in Mamamoo's ability to slay. 

Does it Slay? Sorry Mamamoo, we'll take slick and cool over slapstick any day. We still love you though, promise.

Alternate Universe SNSD Invades from Earth 2, Internet is Destroyed Forever 

All jokes aside, watching the leaked "Catch Me If You Can" video with Jessica in the group is tantamount to stepping into an alternate universe. A kinder, safer universe, where "OT8" is not a part of the SNSD vernacular. We'd post the video here, but by the time this goes up, it'd get taken down again. You can surely go on Reddit to find it, friends, the very same Kpop subreddit that, for a time, had this video and the discussion surrounding it ranking above all of these new releases. Do we have an unlikely winner here?

While the rest of these girl group releases fall away from memory, this leak is the stuff of legend. It was legend even before anyone knew about it.

Just having Jessica sing the song absentmindedly on a variety show (we were going to post the video here but even that was taken down) made SONES imagine what could have been. Then came some leaked pictures. Then some audio. Then ... the fabled video came into existence and fans realized that their hearts were still broken, still reeling. Slaying does not always have to be a positive thing.

Does it Slay? Seeing Jessica as part of SNSD again has slayed us all.

This leak getting this much buzz is saying something, surely, about this open, festering wound but also these new girl group releases. If there's one unifying factor that ties all of them together, it may just be how unremarkable they ultimately are. They get our attention but do not keep it for long. It's summer but it's also troubling. Seeing a glimpse of Alternate Universe SNSD is the only "release" here that elicits any genuine emotion. Our heartbreak.

Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.

Five Reasons Why Seventeen's Ecstatic 'Adore U' is Irresistible and Refreshing

It has taken me over a month to finally admit it. I have a confession to make. I'm completely and incomprehensibly addicted to Seventeen's "Adore U." And this is coming from a Kpop fan that gravitates to girl groups, and likes his biases to be placed comfortably in small and manageable groups. But then...Seventeen. Here's five reasons why I think Seventeen's "Adore U" is so irresistible. Because confessing is healing. 

5. Pop in the Time of BTS

Which is to say, hip hop, spearheaded by our favorite boy groups, is a major part of Kpop for the foreseeable future, and the major success of shows like Unpretty Rapstar will only make future Kpop releases more in that hip hop vein (we imagine). And the thing is, I love that. Groups like BTS and Block B are my biases - Monsta X is one of my favorite debuts of the year. But Kpop is massive and ultimately indefinable (though we've tried), making it open to a wide range of music. There's plenty of room for BTS to be at one end of the spectrum and Seventeen may just be staring back at the other end.

Seventeen is essentially a throwback, hankering to a more innocent, wholesome, and sweet Kpop world. Pre-2014, before the Kpopalypse. Early Boyfriend. Not quite flower boys, they're not exactly reintroducing a new sound, with GOT7 and 2PM (among others) having similar popular releases in the recent past. Seventeen is not starting a revolution here.

But what makes Seventeen's "Adore U" so unique is the fact that this release doesn't even feel like they're doing a cute, ridiculously fun concept. This lightheartedness is an essential part of the group. They radiate fun. They encompass fun. Where's my evidence? I'm glad you asked.

4. The Music Video

The music video for "Adore U" is RIDICULOUS in the best possible ways.

Those little ovals that popped up on the bottom left of your screen, featuring members singing, a group shot of them singing in the background, essentially having a duet with themselves? This is a touch of brilliance, truly.

Or how about this?

Or maybe angels is what the video needs?

You are my angeeeelll. Or how about being a rock star?

Okay, okay, enough pictures. But "Adore U" is a mosaic of Kpop ridiculousness. And the best part is that this mosaic is bereft of irony, holds not a hint of cynicism. It's wacky. It's fun - hell, it's refreshing.

3. The Numbers

Seventeen is a group of thirteen young men (four members didn't debut with the group but some of them might later?). With uncertainty being the nature of the beast (not B2ST, beast), it seems like more trouble than it's worth to name a group based on the number of members it holds. Look how much trouble Nine Muses has had filling up their quota! The fact that Pledis stuck with the name Seventeen even with the departures (most likely to keep the branding established by their popular reality show), is a uniquely Kpop quirk that is absurdly wonderful.

Even the thought of thirteen members, for those not initiated, can be daunting. But the numbers somehow add up in "Adore U," giving every member a moment to shine and splitting them up for various vignettes.

The amount of members really aren't as daunting when you think about it. It's a challenge to learn their names. But not impossible. There's Vernon, Jun, Seungkwan, DK, Dino, Junhan, Woozi, Mingyu, S.Coups, Hoshi, Wonwoo, Joshua, and The8 (????). And yes, I had to look this up. Yes, I have a long way to go.

2. The Performances

You gotta see them live, friends. Their choreography is killer. Pure energy. They're loving this. And then, seeing them, so will you.

1. The Stakes

And now to get serious for a minute. The stakes for Seventeen's success, you must realize, couldn't be higher. Make no mistake: Seventeen is here to save Pledis. Besides Orange Caramel, Pledis hasn't had a lot of good news lately and they're bleeding money fast. We want Pledis to succeed (shouldn't everyone?), so the fact that they rolled out a killer release with Seventeen and "Adore U," right when they desperately needed the hit, could be the feel-good story of the year. It looks like it might just be. Our fingers are collectively crossed.

Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.