King and Queen, Episode 15

King & Queen is a Kpop fan fiction drama that is released in an episodic format exclusively at Critical Kpop. Enjoy and keep tuning in for the continuing story! Catch up on previous episodes here!

***

Rap Monster presses his back against the wall. He holds his breath, willing his heartbeat to quiet. Ailee is frozen next to him, both of them listening to the soft sound of footsteps retreating around the corner.

Once the footsteps fade, Rap Monster relaxes. “What are we doing here,” he whispers to Ailee. He checks his phone. Still no service, but the clock works. 1:15 am. He’s too tired to try and make sense of everything that’s happened since the dance began. He’d like to find his bed and shut out the world for eleven hours, but they’re out past curfew, hiding from police officers and members of a secret Kpop High cult alike. When did life get so complicated?

Ailee shushes him, though he’s sure he didn’t say any of that aloud. And then he hears it too. Footsteps around the same corner, but this time growing louder. Ailee grasps his forearm, and the warmth of her hand momentarily distracts him from the danger. She peeks her head around the corner.

“It’s Zico,” she whispers, and Rap Monster can see the expression on her face turn from fear to anger.

“Should we run?” Rap Monster asks, uncertain. Zico was part of The Nameless, he knew. He even suspected Zico had a gun. But was he dangerous?

“No,” Ailee says. “We’re going to fix this.”

And as the footsteps get louder and louder, Rap Monster begins to wonder what is expected of him. Is he supposed to fight Zico? Of course he is. Isn’t he? What if he loses? What if Zico has a gun?

But there’s no time to answer these questions. Zico’s footsteps are almost upon them. Rap Monster balls his hands into fists and takes a deep breath. As soon as Zico’s face appears around the corner, he’s going to pummel him into the ground. He’s going to defend Ailee, and show her the man he is. He’s ready, when he hears Ailee scream as she attacks a terrified-looking Zico.

Ailee jumps him, and Zico stumbles, falls to the ground. Rap Monster watches, helpless, as Ailee claws and slaps at Zico’s head. “Stupid! Idiot!” she says. “How could you!” Zico lifts his hands to protect his face, but Ailee doesn’t let up. She straddles his chest, clobbering him without mercy.

“Ow!” Zico screams, and Rap Monster can’t help but feel pity for him. He gives Ailee another five seconds before he takes mercy and pulls her away. Ailee fights him, throwing elbows to try and get at Zico again.

“Calm down,” he says. “It’s okay, you got him.” Ailee doesn’t stop fighting until she’s out of breath.

“Stay down!” she yells at Zico, who makes no motion to rise.

“Okay,” he says, wiping the blood from his nose. “But I’m not the one you should hate.”

“Shut up!” Ailee yells, and Rap Monster holds her back from attacking again. “I know what you’ve done. You and your cult. You shot JYP, and now you want to kill IU too.”

Zico shakes his head.

“Don’t try and deny it!”

Rap Monster looks back and forth, from the fuming Ailee to the resigned Zico. Something feels off, he notices. Why wasn’t Zico denying any of it?

“I just want to know one thing,” Ailee says. “Why?”

Zico looks up then, at Ailee only, and Rap Monster feels again like he is caught in the middle of something. “Why’d you do it?” he says, if only to remind them of his presence.

“I didn’t do anything.” Zico sits up, leans his elbows onto his knees. “I know you don’t believe me. But I had no idea they were going to shoot JYP. It was supposed to be a simple switch. Steal the envelope, write our own winners, change history. I never wanted anyone to be hurt.”

“You think I’m going to believe you?”

Zico shakes his head. “No. But I want to fix this.”

“Fix what?” Rap Monster says. “Are you going to un-shoot JYP?”

But there’s something about his words that echoes in Rap Monster’s head. The same phrase Ailee had used. Both of them trying to fix something beyond repair.

“Help me find Jonghyun,” Zico says, looking up at both of them, begging for their support. “He’s the leader of The Nameless. Help me find him and turn him in.”

Rap Monster wants to believe him. Even though Zico has been standing in his way at every turn, even though he bristles as the very thought of teaming up with him, Rap Monster believes he is innocent. But he’s not so sure what Ailee is feeling. There’s a long silence while they await her judgment.

“No,” she says. “No. I don’t ever want to see your face again. You stay down until we’re gone.”

And Rap Monster can’t help but feel bad for him.

***

HyunA snorts. “IU? Shoot JYP? You can’t be serious.” She’s never liked Krystal. She always found her to be a snob. Worse, an insecure snob. But until now she hasn’t realized that this girl was also completely out of her mind. HyunA can’t judge her too harshly on this, as she herself has her own eccentricities. But accusing someone of attempted murder? That’s low.

Krystal ignores her again. She hates that about her too. Krystal motions with her flashlight for Amber to follow her down the hallway, where she came. “We can’t go out this way. Since you guys brought the police,” Krystal says, shaking her head. She walks down the lime green hall without looking back.

Amber gives an apologetic shrug, but then follows her. And why wouldn’t she? Wasn’t finding Krystal the whole reason Amber snuck out with her to begin with? And why did HyunA sneak out? Yes, the rest of 4Minute had abandoned her. But what was she going to do if she actually found them? She imagines telling them, “You hurt my feelings.” Boo hoo. Get over it already.

For the first time in maybe all of her life, HyunA doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t trust Krystal. She could easily call it a night, even go back to that police officer, who may just be discovering now that they’ve snuck away. But Amber. Could she really leave her alone with Krystal now? HyunA screams down the hall, “Wait up!” She scurries close behind, hearing bits of Krystal’s ramblings.

“We have to find her before she tries to kill anyone else.”

“I don’t understand,” Amber tells her. “Slow down.”

“No time,” Krystal says.

“How did you get involved with all of this anyway?” Amber asks. Smart. HyunA thought Amber would just gobble up anything that Krystal fed her. She’s underestimated her again. She won’t admit it to her though.

This must have surprised Krystal too because she stops, Amber almost bumping right into her. “You don’t trust me?” Krystal asks her.

Amber looks back at HyunA. HyunA shakes her head. Don’t fall for this, she wants to tell her.

“Of course I do,” Amber tells her.

“Just trust me on this,” Krystal tells her. “You trusted her, didn’t you?” She shines the flashlight at HyunA’s face. HyunA could slug her. “What game are you playing here?” Krystal asks her.

“I don’t have to answer to you.”

Krystal laughs. “You think it’s funny to manipulate people, don’t you? You think we’re all a bunch of idiots and liars. You might even be getting a kick out of getting Amber to follow you around tonight. But this is life and death we’re talking about here, HyunA. It’s not funny anymore.”

“Tell me how you really feel,” HyunA responds, mostly because she doesn’t know how else to. She not letting Krystal get to her, is she?

“Okay,” Krystal answers. “You hate everyone and everyone hates you. I think you’re a parasite. And I think you should stay away from my friend.”

HyunA takes a swing at Krystal but Krystal ducks, and HyunA’s right hand hits against the wall. It’s like punching concrete. Is her hand broken? She collapses to the ground, clutching her right hand.

“The truth hurts, doesn’t it?” Krystal walks away from her, keeps going down the hallway. Amber doesn’t move.

“What are you waiting for?” HyunA says, her right hand feeling as if it were set on fire. “Why don’t you follow your best friend? Save the school?”

Amber grabs HyunA by her left arm and sets her up. “Was she right?”

“Which part?”

“Do you think this is funny? Was this all a joke for you?”

HyunA can’t believe it. Amber’s taking her side? “Leave me alone,” HyunA says, and she leaves Amber, not meaning to be as mean as she sounds, following Krystal as she reaches a doorway at the end of the hall, Amber’s footsteps tapping softly behind.

Krystal looks back at HyunA. “Control yourself,” she says, as if she’s fearing retaliation.

“Just open the door,” HyunA tells her. She just wants to be away. From all of this. Goodnight. She’s done.

Krystal opens the door. They are greeted to the girl’s bathroom on the other side with a shriek. Gayoon is holding her face, Sohyun patting her on the back, saying, “You’ll be okay.” Jiyoon and Jihyun have IU by the arms, and IU is wailing, kicking in the air, like some wild animal. “Don’t just stand there!” Krystal screams at HyunA. “We have to help them!”

4Minute. Right here. Her supposed friends. With the suspected shooter.

Now what? What exactly is she supposed to do now?

***

Where nobody sees you.

The auditorium is completely dark. The only light comes from the door that Gary walks through. He pauses, there in the light, listening for the sound of another’s presence, but hears nothing. Is he too late? Too early? In the wrong place entirely?

Gary lets the door close behind him, sending the whole place into pitch black. He switches on his flashlight and walks up the long center aisle. He swings the light from side to side, but sees nothing except for empty seats. No one watching.

When he reaches the orchestra pit, Gary turns and walks to his right until he finds stairs that lead to the stage. Someone was here.

In the small circle of light, Gary sees several sets of black robes on the floor of the stage. Candles. What was this? A ritual ceremony?

Gary kneels down to feel the warmth of a recently extinguished candle. He hadn’t missed them by much. He inspects one set of robes, holding it up to judge its size. Short and slim. Probably belonging to a girl.

There’s an uncanny feeling of being watched, and the hairs rise on the back of his neck. And like a scene in a movie, Gary hears a thud and hits the ground. He watches his flashlight roll away. And then there’s black. And then nothing.



To Be Continued...

-C

Standard Press Release for All Exo Departures

Rumors have been circulating recently that Kris Luhan Tao may be leaving the popular award-winning record-setting group, Exo. Citing health issues and unfair treatment, Kris Luhan Tao is reported to have requested contract termination from SM Entertainment. If true, he would be the first second third member to leave the group.

Speculation on the future of Kris Luhan Tao was further fueled by news that member Kris Luhan Xiumin Lay has recently deleted his Instagram account. Although fans of Kris Luhan Tao are hoping the rumors prove to be unfounded, sources close to Kris Luhan Tao have warned us all to watch for a future statement. Fans of Exo showed their support on social media by trending #WeBelieveInYouKrisLuhanTao and #WeAreOne. Fans were especially concerned that Exo’s popular Exology Chapter 1: The Lost Planet Exodus album would be forever mired by this controversy. There is still no hope that Exo-M will survive this these departure(s).

The intense focus on SM’s management practices have also raised eyebrows, with many fans suggesting that the unexpected Red Velvet release, Happiness Be Natural (wait for it), is an attempt to draw attention away from the developing scandal. Unfair management practices have made headlines recently with several major entertainment companies, including Stardom Entertainment Star Empire Entertainment TS Entertainment, facing litigation.

Hopefully, SM Entertainment has learned their lesson with Kris Luhan Tao and will have better relations with their artists. We’re optimistic pessimistic.

Why Not Dal Shabet?

Because seriously, why not Dal Shabet? No, they're not my favorite girl group. They're not even my favorite mid-level girl group that I feel needs to get more attention (that title would have to go to either Fiestar or poor, mismanaged Rainbow, friends).

Their library of releases is strange and sometimes head-scratching. The music video for "Hit U," for example, involved shooting and murdering a terrible (and abusive) former lover and his friends and/or associates. The pink-splattered blood leaks out of the villain as the video closes, Jiyul sitting calmly on the bed, gun in hand. Um. Justice? The girls take another turn at crime during their gun-obsessed era, with "Mr. Bang Bang," the most ill-conceived robbery ever filmed, Kpop or otherwise. They even show their hostages their choreography, guns in hand, of course. By the end of the video, the authorities are so entrapped by the girl's beauty and charisma, and their own greed, that they join in on taking the money. Again: Justice.

Which it to say, Dal Shabet may be the most bonkers girl group in a bonkers industry. You'll never know exactly what you're going to get from them but you're always going to be confused in the best ways possible.

And sometimes they hit gold.

Like "Hate, Don't Hate." Ignore, for a moment, the alien invader(?) music video, and remember the brilliance of their retro warehouse version, which placed our idols in the midst of the working class. The tension of the two worlds alone would make this video memorable. But Dal Shabet's expressions and sometimes lack of expressions, interactions with the workers and the workers interactions with them, really plays with the idea of image and Kpop music videos, making it one of the best music videos of 2012 and maybe ever.

So why not Dal Shabet? What makes EXID break out when a group like Dal Shabet stay forever middling? And don't just say fancam. Dal Shabet has some fancams that will make your jaw drop. They have the talent. They have the look. They even have the legs. They have an entire song, as you well know, where they invite you to look at those damn legs (just be ambitious already!). They even have the English. Okay, maybe they don't know how to utilize all of the English, but a video like "Big Baby Baby," with words popping onscreen that have less and less relevance, prospers under the weight of its own incoherence.

Incoherence is key here. But so is controversy. Men's right's groups (just as absurd in Korea as here in the US of A) were indignant over some of the sexual aggressive lyrics of "Be Ambitious," and felt as though they were making light of military service with the buffoons depicted in the video. Right now, "Joker" has been reinstated at KBS' "Music Bank" after a change in lyrics, because some of the original lyrics may have sounded too much like intercourse. And don't get us started on that butt shake and those crotch grabs. But controversy can equal attention, right? Salaciousness can often lead to stardom. So, again, I ask you, why not Dal Shabet?

Could it be that their comebacks are so wildly divergent from each other that a more casual fan has trouble grasping onto what this group is all about? Could it be that the individual members haven't broken out on variety shows or on dramas to the level of some of the more major girl groups? Are they missing their Suzy or their Hani or their Jimin? Is it the agency? Or maybe just the bad luck they experienced in 2014, with Subin's car accident and Woohee's collapsed lung?

Or maybe Dal Shabet is fine where they are. Their situation isn't exactly dire and they've had more success than some groups. Not everyone can be on the top of the mountain at once, can they? Then it wouldn't be a mountain. It'd just be a hill. And no one cares if you conquer a hill.

You have to hand it to Dal Shabet. Even their strangest songs are fun to listen to. They're not here to make art (though sometimes, perhaps inadvertently, they do), They aren't here to redefine the Kpop landscape. They're all about pop. And they're working very hard to make that pop. Subin even contributed to all of the songs of their latest album and has been listed as a producer. How cool is that?

Yes, I can't name all the members and sometimes I lose track of who's who (though admitedly, GaEun = my bias). "Joker" is a fun, sexy song but has copyright infringement written all over (bonkers!). And I must repeat: Dal Shabet is not my favorite girl group. In all honesty, they may not even be in my top ten.

But is "Joker" on my playlist? On repeat? Along with "Hit U" and "Hate, Don't Hate" and "Big Bad Baby?" Absolutely.

So why not Dal Shabet? You tell me.

Timothy Moore writes from Chicago. He blogs at Read My Blog Please, and edits at Ghost Ocean Magazine. His biases are T-ara, Block B, Nine Muses, Brown Eyed Girls, and Girl's Day.

A Hopeless Love: Exploring Our Obsession With Sad Music

I am forever intrigued by the way art (music, stories, film, physical media, etc.) becomes engrained in our subconscious, by the way we come to obsess over what we enjoy. I’ve written about how Kpop models that obsession in popular music videos. I’ve written about the inability of brain chemistry to explain our obsessions. I’ve even written about how our obsession with the single hurts Kpop in the long run. Today I’m continuing that journey. But this time I’m exploring our obsession with something we can’t possibly enjoy: sadness.

It seems counterintuitive. Why would we want to obsess over something that produces a negative emotion? Why would we lay ourselves down and press repeat on a playlist that makes us nothing but sad. And yet we’ve all done it. We’ve all created an unbearably sad playlist after a bad breakup. We’ve all loaded up our favorite tear-jerker on a bad day and belted out the lyrics. And this makes sense: when we feel sad, we listen to sad music. But why, I want to ask, would we enjoy a sad song at any other time? If we only ever listened to music that matched our mood, why would we have so many sad songs in our music libraries? Why would so many of the classics be so sad?

For today’s exploration, I’ve created a three-song playlist of wildly different Kpop heartbreakers. I can’t find a single connection between these three songs, aside from theme. There’s a haunting ballad, a steady EDM hit, and a devastating rap. All they share is sadness. More specifically: the sadness of hopeless love. Go ahead, listen along with me to Jimin Park’s “Hopeless Love,” miss A’s “Love Alone,” and Mad Clown’s “Fire,” and tell me what you think. Are you obsessed with sad songs? Why?

Jimin Park’s “Hopeless Love” is a gorgeous ballad. Her vocals are unbelievable good, just as they are unbelievably sad. Describing a hopeless love, Park sings, “It knocks on my heart endlessly / But I am tightly shutting the door.” She tries to protect herself, to avoid the sadness, but it is an impossible task. “It hurts,” she sings, “but why can’t I turn away?” Why can’t we all turn away from the sadness to experience only joy?

Hansjörg Schertenleib’s novella, “A Happy Man,” was written as an attempt to create an engaging story based on a character who does not experience an ounce of sadness in his life. The experiment was largely a failure. Not in terms of the writing, but in terms of the attempt at avoiding all sadness. Sadness crept into Schertenleib’s writing almost immediately in the form of nostalgia, missed opportunities, and the adjacent sadness of loved ones. It’s simply not possible to produce an engaging story without sadness, depression, and despair. Schertenleib’s experiment owes a lot to Naguib Mahfouz’s “The Happy Man,” a 1988 story with a similar premise. A man wakes up happy, which Mahfouz describes as “most strange.” The strangeness of being so happy for such a long period of time makes the man so uncomfortable that his happiness becomes a kind of despair. The thing is, joy isn’t possible without sadness. It lacks context. Try to think of the last movie you saw in which nothing bad happened. Give up?

“Love Alone” is maybe the least obviously sad of the three songs on my playlist. Falling in love is never sad. Right? Not so fast. The love described in this song never drifts far from being unrequited: “I don’t wanna be in love alone / See me falling yeah but I can’t be the only one.” There’s a desperate need in “Love Alone,” a constant call to a love without a response. It’s unbearably sad to hear miss A repeat, again and again, “If it’s an illusion / I need you to tell me now,” without ever receiving confirmation. A hopeless love.

Sadness and joy can be thought of not only as opposites, but as opposite reactions. Newton’s third law states that any action must be met by an equal and opposite reaction. It’s a kind of call and response. Could it be that sadness works this way? Could it be that experiencing sadness produces an opposite internal reaction of joy? Or, to put it another way: does sadness beget joy? Oh, it’s not as clean as all that.

Mad Clown’s “Fire” is notable for the intense uncertainty that comes across in the song. This isn’t just a hopeless love, it’s a confusing and uncertain love. Even the two voices of Mad Clown and Jinsil are at odds with one another. The song recounts a failed relationship that neither party is fully able to back away from. “Am I the crazy one? Are you the crazy one? Am I the crazy one for not being able to leave the crazy you?” It’s messy.

It would be wrong to claim that sadness automatically brings joy. Life is never so simple, so certain. But I do think that sadness is a necessary experience. Just as absence makes the heart grow fonder, just as you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone, sadness reminds me how to feel joy. Sadness makes each positive emotion that much better. Each time sadness echoes in the empty chambers of my heart, joy has an opportunity to fill the void. Which is why, as crazy as it sounds, I think an obsession with sadness is a necessary thing. Listen to all the bangers you want; if your playlist lacks heartbreak, you’re not experiencing joy to its fullest.


Zander Stachniak is a southern-born, Chicago-based writer who first discovered Kpop through ShoutCast Radio. His biases are f(x) and Block B.

This Week in Kpop: April 12-18, 2015

This Week in Kpop is brought to you by THE BOOTY. Yes, JYP may look flummoxed in the image above, but you would be too if you were so fortunate to love something with such intensity that it would drive you to song. Booty was not the only thing this week brought us. Block B's subgroup debuted, EXID came back, and guess what? We have a podcast now. This Week in Kpop. Let's get this started.

JYP's "Who's Your Mama?"

With "Who's Your Mama?" JYP may have achieved MAXIMUM BOOTY. Yes, Kpop has had a love affair with butt that just keeps getting more extreme. But JYP has taken this to an absurd level that will be extremely hard to top. This is Kpop's "Baby Got Back," a love letter to the derriere, and perhaps it should only be viewed with the same affection we now bestow on Sir Mix-a-lot's classic. Though not nearly as explicit as say Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda," JYP may just be pushing the same buttons in a very conservative Korean culture.

As a critical site, a part of us wants to break this video down and analyze Korea's image and gender issues. But, come on. It's hard to take a video seriously when JYP opens "Who's Your Mama?" with asking the woman working out next to him (after sufficiently checking her out): "What's your waist size?" and then: "Your hip?" with the woman not missing a beat, answering as if these were common questions or as if JYP were asking for the time. It's also hard to take seriously because, well, JYP. Maybe JYP is the only artist who could pull off such a release - because of his earnestness (he actually, sincerely, loves that booty), his charisma, and because he may just be insane, or a genius, or both (it's probably both).

Because "Who's Your Mama" is actually a killer song. You'll be singing parts of the chorus in the shower, or saying, "Shake that booty - that booty, booty" on your way to school or work. People will stare. But you won't be able to help it. You may even be shaking your own booty. Who knows? Jessi's inclusion here fits the song well, though we would have liked to have seen more of her. Still, this is a strong release and it's shooting up the charts, so Koreans seem to love JYP and will keep loving the booty. So, in short - "Who's Your Mama?" is absurd, objectifying, outdated, catchy, and a whole lot of fun.

Bastarz' "Zero For Conduct"

Just when we needed them, Block B's subgroup, Bastarz, made their debut this week. We're wondering a bit why this had to come from the subgroup instead of Block B proper, especially since we just miss Block B. But this is still a great song and the hip hop we need during this dry spell. There's been some controversy with their teaser being offensive to Japanese culture, but why don't you listen about that, and this release, in the first episode of our incredible podcast?!

Critical Kpop Podcast - Episode 1

Great segue, right? LISTEN. IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING. We have finally started our very own podcast, friends, and we can't be more excited! Join us for the "Genesis," as we tackle Block B's new subgroup, EXID's latest comeback, and the exquisite madness of JYP. You can check that out right here.

Interpreting EXID's Compelling 'Ah Yeah' (As Best We Can)

By now you've watched EXID's "Ah Yeah" music video like the rest of us, and perhaps you're just as thrilled as us that the video is actually saying something about censorship. Or is it? We try to break down the music video here, (as best we can).

Fei Shows off Her True Colors: A Look at the Fourth Episode of "Real miss A"

We've been looking at miss A these past few weeks through Real miss A, and this week we finally get a peek at the life of Fei. Which makes us wonder: How come we always forget about Fei? This is what we've come up with.

King and Queen: Catch Up!

Instead of bringing you a new episode of our fan fiction epic, King and Queen, we've decided to give you an opportunity to catch up on the show! Experience a chaotic night at Kpop High from the beginning! Check out our episode list here!

April 12-18, 2015

And that was This Week in Kpop! Was there too much BOOTY this week? Don't worry, next week will take us back to our regularly scheduled programming. We're very excited about our podcast, as you may tell. Check it out and tell us what you think, yes? We're just getting started. Until next week, have fun and be safe!

Critical Kpop Podcast - Episode 1

We're excited to introduce the brand new Critical Kpop Podcast! Join 'L,' Tim Moore, and Zander Stachniak as they discuss the clever censorship of EXID's "Ah Yeah," BASTARZ (or BASTARDS?) and the apparent racism in "Conduct Zero," JYP and his butt obsession--we mean "Who's Your Mamma," and the sexy construction workers of Girl's Generation's "Catch Me If You Can."

Critical Kpop Podcast - Episode 1 by Critical Kpop on Mixcloud

You can subscribe to the Critical Kpop Podcast on iTunes, or check this and future episodes out at www.mixcloud.com/CriticalKpop. You can expect a healthy serving of news, reviews, and critical analysis in every episode. The Critical Kpop Podcast is the only podcast that invites you to LISTEN HARDER.

Fei Shows Her True Colors: A Look at the Fourth Episode of 'Real Miss A'

An archetype, according to Carl Jung, is a pattern or symbol that can be recognized across cultures. Archetypes are primary, are subconscious. And every Kpop group has them. There’s always a “most popular” member, often identified by good looks. There’s always a rapper, a dancer. There’s always a leader. But where does Fei fit in to miss A? What archetype is she defined by?

Fei often seems like the leader to a group that has no leader. Which could be why, out of all the members of miss A, Fei seems to have caught on the least. Without that leadership role, how does one perceive Fei? She is the oldest member, at 27, and even if she wasn’t, she does give the perception as the most mature. She’s certainly no superstar like Suzy, and the most energetic (and some would argue, talented) of the idols would have to be Min. Like Jia, she’s a Chinese transplant, groomed, originally, for a Chinese girl group that never happened. Which is not to say that Fei is lacking in any way. In “Only You,” she may even steal the show, bringing a mature sexuality and gravitas that balances well with, say, Suzy’s “girl next door” charm.

But we wonder, quite often actually, why, out of all the members, Fei is usually the one we most easily forget? If it’s not something she’s missing, what could it possibly be? And would her solo jaunt in Real miss A somehow give us something of her to grasp onto? Something real?

In this episode, we follow Fei as she shops at a make-up store. It’s a rollercoaster of “will she won’t she” buy something. That’s sarcasm (though spoiler: after complaining that everything she wants is sold out, she buys something). The episode is unfortunately lacking in interest until Fei brings us onto the set of the last day of filming for Idols, True Colors, a China-based podcast. Fei hands the camera over to Zhoumi of Super Junior, who then interviews her. The show she hosts with both Zhoumi and Jia is worth a watch, though with accompanying animation and sound effects looks as “true” as any other carefully produced idol show. The “true” here is perhaps as true as Real miss A is “real,” but there’s still something in this episode. Trust us.

For each episode of Real miss A, we’ve been pointing out the moment we feel is most true, most real. This is, after all, Real miss A. Sometimes, it’s harder than others. But in episode four, that moment has to be when Zhoumi asks Fei how she feels about her upcoming release. “I feel great,” she says. And she could have left it at that. Most idols would. But Fei goes deeper. She let’s us in when she adds, “And so nervous at the same time.” She adds, pragmatically even, “I think everyone...ah, not everyone...but many people will like this new song.”

It’s a perfect answer, real in every way that matters. That nervousness is something all of us can recognize. She is vulnerable here, having put herself out there for everyone to judge. And vulnerability is an archetype. It’s something we recognize and understand. Maybe, just maybe, that’s what Fei’s has been missing all along.